Latest Class

I taught a class at my LSS last week and these were two of the pages we created. (The pics of these layouts aren't great, so you'll have to imagine them in real life!). That class was my best one to date--the ladies that were there were so eager to learn new ways of doing things. The class was over around 9:00 but we stayed until midnight! I helped them scrap their pictures and they were so ready to try new techniques--loved having them in my class and I can't wait to see them again!!!

Contest: Week Two

Our challenge this week was to use the phrase "someday I'm gonna . . ." in our layout. I've been wanting to scrap these pics of us for a long time, and I figured this theme fit them well. I can't believe it's been over ten years since that summer!

Here is the journaling:

In the summer of 1996, Brian and I met while working in Yellowstone National Park. When we left that August, we were determined to return as soon as possible. Here it is over ten years later, and we’ve yet to step foot back into the park. We’ve been out west since then, but never that far northwest. Someday we’ll go back to where our relationship began—someday we’ll visit the little hill that we sat on as we shared our first kiss. And someday we’ll take our children there to tell them the story of how our love began.

It was a NO GO.

Well, Clayton didn't get his Botox injections today. :( They tried four times to start an IV and his little veins are just shot. He has to have an IV because besides sedation, he needs major pain medicine since he is getting so many shots done (eight in all). The one good thing was they gave him Versed (sp?) to take the edge off before they tried the IVs. He was so relaxed for them! It was like being in the Twilight Zone seeing him so calm while they worked on him. It didn't last very long--he eventually started crying, but it was nothing compared to normally. When the doctor didn't get that last one to work, I just sat there and cried. It just seems like we go in circles! We fix one thing, then something else doesn't work. We try to help him with something like the Botox, and we can't move forward because of the IV situation. The plan is to schedule it in the O.R. where they can give him some gas to help him go to sleep while they start the IVs. We simply couldn't keep trying today. I hope they schedule it soon, I was so hyped up about seeing the results of this treatment. Pray it all works out!!!

Oh, and for those who are interested in how Botox works, here is an excerpt from webmd.com:

What Is Botox?
Botulinum toxin, called botox for short, is a muscle-relaxing medication used to decrease spasticity related to multiple sclerosis and other neurological conditions.
Botulinum toxin is derived from the bacterium Clostridium Botulinum and is in a class of drugs called neurotoxins. There are two types of botulinum toxin available for therapeutic use:
Botulinum toxin type A (Botox®)
Botulinum toxin type B (Myobloc®)
Your doctor will decide which type of botulinum toxin is more appropriate for you.
The FDA, despite the drug's effectiveness, has not yet approved the use of botox to treat MS-related spasticity.

What Is Spasticity?
Spasticity refers to a wide range of involuntary muscle contractions that result in muscle spasms or stiffness. Spasticity interferes with voluntary muscle movement and usually involves the muscles of the legs and/or arms.
Spasticity may vary, based on many factors, including infections, stress, pain, temperature, position and time of the day. Over time, severe spasticity may cause decreased range of motion in the affected limbs.
Spasticity is the result of an imbalance in the central nervous system, caused by a trauma or disease in the brain and/or spinal cord. This imbalance causes hyperactive muscle stretch reflexes, which result in involuntary contractions and increased muscle tone.
Some doctors believe that an increased sensitivity in the parts of the muscles that are responsible for contracting (tightening), relaxing and stretching the muscles contribute to spasticity.

How Does the Botulinum Toxin Work?
Normally, the brain sends electrical messages to the muscles so that they can contract and move. This message is transmitted to the muscle by a substance called acetylcholine. Botulinum toxin works to block the release of acetylcholine; therefore the muscle doesn't receive the message to contract.

How Are Botulinum Toxin Treatments Given?
Botulinum toxin is given as an intramuscular injection (in the muscle). Your doctor will determine the muscle(s) in need of treatment.
If the muscles to be injected are small or difficult to reach, it may be necessary to send short electric impulses, or to record electric signals from the muscles, to ensure that the appropriate muscles are receiving the injected medication.
A very fine needle is used for the injection. Some people report minor and temporary discomfort from the injection. The medication does not sting or cause irritation after it has been injected.
You can expect the appointment to last from 1 to 2 hours.
The effects of the medication begin to appear from one to two weeks after the injection. The muscles injected should then relax.

What Are the Advantages of Botulinum Toxin?

The advantages of botulinum toxin include.
Improvement of discomfort related to spasticity symptoms.
In some cases, improved ability to use the affected part of the body.
The medication is effective for two to six months, depending on the individual.

What Are the Disadvantages of Botulinum Toxin?
The disadvantages of botulinum toxin include:
The benefit of botulinum toxin is limited to the injected muscles. Therefore, botulinum toxin may not be a good choice of treatment when many muscles are involved or when the spastic muscles are large.
The effect of the injections is temporary. Therefore, injections must be repeated over time to maintain the beneficial effects. Injections are not repeated more often than every 3 months to minimize the risk of developing antibodies to the botulinum toxin (see below).

SHORT VERSION:

Basically, it blocks the chemical that tells your muscles to contract.

Tuesday

Today Clayton is having his Botox injections done in his legs. I'll give everyone an update and explanation on how it works when we get back. If you have a moment, say a quick prayer that all goes well!

Contest: Week One

Week one of the FUNK IT UP! at scrapforums.com is over, so I can now share my first entry. Our challenge was to use a line of lyric from the song "Photograph" by Nickelback. I chose the line "it's hard to say it, time to say it, goodbye, goodbye." I've been thinking about Shawn a lot lately, so I used this as an opportunity to put my thoughts down on paper.

My dearest Shawn,

It's been three and a half years since you left us. In some ways it seems just like yesterday, and in other ways it seems like a lifetime ago. And in spite of myself, I still mourn my loss. I miss you. I miss having you in my life. I miss seeing my twins grow up together. I keep telling myself to move on--it's time to get over it. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to completely let go. My heart will never be able to say goodbye. I love you. I love you so much.

Forever your mommy.

Journaling on the side: I want to hold you. I want to be your mother--to fuss over you and worry about. I can't wait to see you in Heaven.

Clayton says HI!

I've been trying to get a good pic of Clayton for the last few days and he has been less than cooperative. I even tried to get some good ones of him in therapy, but he always has his eyes closed or a goofy look on his face! So this is the only one that I liked out of the thirty or so I took--maybe someday I'll get better with the settings on my camera and the lighting will be more professional.

The little guy has become a motor mouth--he has been talking our ears off for the past couple of days. I have no idea what he is saying half the time, but he sure thinks it's important!

He is one cute little man. :)

Good Monday Morning!

Report on band performance yesterday: It went well considering my voice was practically gone from singing with the choir and praise team first. Everyone clapped afterwards, and we got many compliments from people I've never even spoken too--which means a lot. A lot of people did say that at times the instruments were a little too loud when balanced with my voice. We'll need to work on getting the balance just right. When we were finished, Pastor Tim asked us if we had a name--that's something we haven't even discussed as a group, so I guess we'll have to get a name in order to be a "bonafide" group!

Clayton's oxygen flow is back to normal--praise the Lord! Only took him two weeks, poor guy. I think he's officially healed now. I hope this warmer weather scares all the nasty bugs away and he can stay well for a long time to come.

I'm going to go back to work today. You know, that job where I only work like four or five hours a week?? Yeah, that "work." :)

Only two weeks until I'm off to Birmingham for the Scrap Etc. Event. I am totally ignoring the nagging, worrying feeling I get when I think about being gone from Clayton that long. Please, Lord, help Brian handle it okay, and help me handle it without having a heart attack!

The Land of the Living

Okay, so I think we're getting back into the swing of things. Clayton's O2 flow is still high, but he is feeling MUCH better. I'm still coughing a lot, but I think it's getting better. I must say that I'm feeling SO MUCH better today because my mom had Tidy Tina and her bunch come clean the house. It smells so good in here and looks MUCH better!! THANK YOU MOM!!!!

I also have to say a big thank you to my friend Annette. I know she would never want a "public" thank you, but you're getting it, my friend! She has a big family and plenty that keeps her busy, but she still took time out of her weekend and came to visit us at the hospital. Having her visit made my day--it helps so much to pass the time. I always feel like a prisoner there and I always love having visitors because when they are there, the day flies by instead of creeping along. THANK YOU, ANNETTE!

We are Home

I'm still coughing. Brian is better. Clayton is lots better but still needing breathing treatments and more oxygen. He has a cough still too. We're pretty much pooped.

Ghost Writer

Hello, blogger world! I'm Ashley's Mom---Mary, and I've been coerced into writing this post today in Ashley's absence. As I don't have the teaching degree that she does, you will just have to bear with my grammar and spelling errors (I'm certain she will get her red pen out with me later!) Just where the heck is she? Well---the Smiths are a sickly bunch this week. Presently, Ashley and Clayton are in the hospital (Clayton is the patient, Ashley needs her own bed but doesn't meet the age requirement), Brian is ailing at home with the flu. Clayton's condition of fever and higher oxygen needs worsened so he was admitted yesterday. There is also concern of a possible abdominal issue and an upper GI is going to be done (didn't happen today, one of the testing rooms was not in working order). Meanwhile, there is a problem with the computers at the hospital that Ashley uses while there, and she is not able to view, send, receive e-mail or post to this blog. Hopefully, she and Clayton will be home soon and she can be back into her normal communication with you all. Clayton has certainly been ready to check out since his arrival. His wheelchair is parked in his room and today he kept pointing at it and his little hoarse, raspy voice would say: "Go"! Oh, how tempted I was... Thank you for your continued prayers for Clayton and good health to Ashley and Brian!

Layout of the Day

Came home today to a bunch of emails congratulating me on LOTD over at ScrapJazz! Totally unexpected, but definitely welcome! Thanks to everyone who left such sweet comments for me.

Monday, Monday

Thought to ponder: Why do kids only get sick at night and then act better in the morning and they want to play when you are worn out?

Update: I talked to the therapist's supervisor and the therapist and it's definitely over! Thank goodness I'm rid of that situation!

Clayton: We spent all day at Children's Friday only to end up with a flu shot that has had him running fever for most of the weekend and all of last night. He hasn't run fever today, but he still feels really bad. His little throat hurts and he is congested (more oxygen needed). We see ENT tomorrow and pulmonary Thursday for already scheduled appointments--they will be able to check him out real good.

Scrapbooking: I was asked by a fellow ScrapJazzer to do design work for her online store (very flattering!). She is in the middle of revamping her entire site and wanted to add some design team members. Her store website is www.noelmignon.com and for now we are posting our work for her on a blog: http://noelmignonlayouts.blogspot.com/ I really like the other designers and I look forward to working with this team--Noel was more than generous with all of the supplies she sent (and they all worked together great), so it was easy to crank out those two layouts. Look for more in the near future.

UGH!

Okay, so that same therapist is getting on my last nerve. It's 10:50 and she's not here. His therapy time is 10:15-11:15!!!! And he has more after that. I guess she thinks we just sit around and wait on her?! Doesn't she realize that Clayton is a busy guy? This seals the deal--I'm calling her boss today to cancel developmental therapy altogether. It's just too much--for me and for Clayton! With developmental, he has ten therapy sessions over four days. All of the goals she had are addressed in his other therapies--she mainly concentrates on what he would do in preschool if he were there, so it's not like he would be "missing" something. And they don't even come if school is out (breaks and summer)--so how important is a therapy that you don't have to have year-round? F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D!!!

One of those Nights

It was one of those nights with Clayton again. And I have to laugh as I type this because my mom says any night spent with Clayton is "one of those nights!" On any night, he is restless, but he has night terrors or something and we were up most of the night last night with him screaming. Brian finally pulled out the guitar and it calmed him down considerably, but he still layed there and whined. "They" say kids grow out of this, but he's been doing it since he came home from the hospital--isn't that long enough?????

A Little Bit of Snow

is better than none! I sure wish we could get a true snowfall though. Guess I just live in the wrong part of the country!

I've spent most of the day snuggling with Clayton--nothing better on a cold winter's day!

Contest Entries

I just finished the Team Scrappin' Contest over at sassacraft.com. My partner was Patti H and I really enjoyed doing my first online contest with her. We didn't win, but we did get some great layouts done and we got a few votes here and there. Maybe next time we'll do better!

Our first assignment was to use a black background, at least one word of our title had to be black, and both team members had to use the same layout title. Patti scrapped a pic of her grandson and I scrapped this pic of Clayton--the title was the perfect choice for these cuties! The journaling is about how Clayton melted our hearts when he repeated the words "I love you" back to us.

The next assignment was a little harder for me. We had to choose a sketch as a team and both use it as our "map" for our layout. The curve in our sketch was totally hard for me, since I usually stay with straight lines! Brian says he couldn't believe I was posting this online because it's "not my best work." Oh well. Got these pics scrapped at least!

We had a bonus challenge that same week and we had to create a card with two brads, at least one heart, and at least one photo corner. This is what I came up with:

The next week was even harder for me because we had to alter something. I am NOT an alterer. I would much rather stick with layouts.

For a bonus challenge, we had to use the title "Simple Pleasures" in a layout. I love how this turned out (got to use my Cricut). The journaling is just a list of some things that make Clayton happy.

For the last week, the theme was pink and orange. One team member had to do a pink layout, the other, an orange layout. I am SO not good with orange, but this is what I came up with:

I'm going to be doing another contest at scrapforums.com--it starts in February. Even if I don't win, these contests do force me to step out of my creative box--it's neat to see what you can come up with when you get the assignment.

I Have a Praise!

We found a lead guitar player! His name is Mike and it was truly a God thing on how he came about. He just moved to town about two weeks ago, and he was at the music store last week when Brian ran into him. They started talking (Brian probably held him hostage to talk!), and he mentioned that he had played around with some guys in Texas and would love to play in a band here, but he really didn't know anyone. Brian invited him to practice Thursday, and we had an awesome time playing together. We all left that night in great spirits--it felt great to have somebody that could play and was totally excited about the project!

I asked Kent Sunday if he knew anyone who played the drums and he mentioned that Rod (who sings in our choir) maybe played. Charlie had him play for him Wednesday and he said he was rusty, but was solid. So all this time a drummer was right under our noses! We all meet together Tuesday night--I can't wait to see how it sounds!

Still Busy!

Today--Dad's Birthday--HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Clayton has two doctor's appointments, one is the dentist and that one should be interesting!

Our church was broken into and robbed blind and totally ransacked. Charlie's amp was even stolen. Who would do such a thing?

The Milk of Magnesia is DEFINITELY working for Clayton. I won't tell you all the details, but let's just say that he left the office basically naked yesterday because he had poop on every piece of clothing he was wearing.

I wonder about one of Clayton's therapists (she's the newest one). She is ALWAYS late or forgets to come. VERY FRUSTRATING. She was supposed to be here this morning for just a few minutes before we left and I finally called and told her not to bother coming by--she was just now coming in from another school district, still about 20 minutes away from our house.

Off to the doctor!

Today

I need to finish an altered project and a layout for the contest, go to the post office, and visit my grandparents before they forget what I look like. So far, I'm not making very good time. I hope I start moving faster soon . . .but it's just not in my nature!

2007 So Far

It's been a busy year for me so far! These are the things that I'm doing with my time:

participating in a contest at sassacraft.com

attending choir practice again

working on the band issues and practicing with Brian

working a few hours at my mom's office

getting ready for three classes at my LSS

hosting the ScrapJazzy awards at ScrapJazz (whew, that's a lot of work!)

submitting layouts like crazy to DT calls and magazines

and of course, doing the regular mom things that I do here at home

I've basically hit the ground running here in January. I like it, but I do miss my naps!

Same Song, Different Verse

We had an awesome practice last night. Why is that bad? Because James "can't commit" either. So we have a drummer and a guitar player who we love to play with, and neither one can commit. Ugh. So Brian, Charlie and I are going to keep on chuggin' along, and we hope something big will happen soon--maybe God will just drop someone in our laps to complete our group!

YEAH CLAYTON!

Yesterday Clayton had his first swallow study since 2004 and he PASSED! He threw a fit, crying and gagging the whole time, but he never once aspirated (let the liquid go into his lungs). I was so proud of him and definitely relieved. Basically this means that we can be more aggressive on getting him to at least taste baby foods and he can do lots of theraputic work on his feeding. He still has a long way to go, but at least we know he is protecting his lungs while he works on eating. GO CLAYTON!

Making Music

So last year our "original" band broke up. We lost our drummer and keyboard player and we decided to just take a rest for a while. Rest time is over! I've really been wanting to get back into the groove, but getting started is proving to be tough. Right now, the members of the band officially are only me and Brian and our bass player, Charlie. We are all ready to go, but we are on the search for a drummer and another guitar player. We have a drummer in mind, but he is having trouble committing, which is making us nervous--we definitely want someone who is excited about the project. He is an excellent musician, and he is great at actually producing the music. I just wish he would get a sign from God that this is the way he should go. In the meantime, we have a guitar player coming to house Thursday night for a small jam session just to see if we mesh with him. I know he's talented, it's just a matter of seeing if he fits with us and with our music. I'm really hoping this is the start of something big for us. I have so much on my heart that I want to share with other people and I know that music can be a great outlet for that, not to mention just a fun way to pass the time.

T. G. I. F. !!!

Off to enjoy the day--lots of things to do that I've put off all week. Clayton is definitely ready to get out of the house. I'm just glad it stopped raining!

Leftover Thoughts from Christmas

On Christmas Eve, I was able to sing with the choir and it felt so good to be a part of them. Felt really good to sing at the top of my lungs! At any rate, we sang the now classic Christmas song Mary, Did You Know? and the words rang truer than ever for me.

The blind will see!

The deaf will hear!

The dead will live again!

THE LAME WILL LEAP!

The dumb will speak

The Praises of the Lamb!!

THE LAME WILL LEAP! How reassuring to know that eventually Clayton will walk! If not in this life, but in Heaven above. God could have easily healed Shawn if He had wanted, but He chose not too. But the dead will live again--in Christ and through Christ. And if He so chooses, Clayton will walk unassisted someday. I've seen a part of these words come to fruition just this week. Our music pastor's daughter was born deaf. Her family has prayed her entire life that she will one day hear. Today, 20 years later, their prayers are coming true. She is getting a cochlear implant put in as I type this. THE DEAF WILL HEAR! And even though it took 20 years, they are definitely getting the answer to their prayer. How amazing and how encouraging!

So I will keep praying the promises of God and keep singing His praises--one day I will get an answer!

Milestone!

Clayton is in a major "repeat everything we say" stage, but we've never been able to get him to say I love you. Until last night! He repeated it twice for us while we were laying in bed. Brian and I showered him with kisses--it was music to our ears!!! He is the sweetest little boy we know. :)

Christmas Highlights II

Here are the rest from last weekend.

My dad:
The two youngest on my father's side:
My cousin's little girl:
My nephew:
My parents, working on their Christmas quiz:
The aftermath:
Bet you can't guess what my brother got for Christmas!

Christmas Highlights

Here are some pics I took over the past two days--I had several from last weekend to share as well, but of course I can't get blogger to cooperate. Maybe I'll get those uploaded tomorrow.

My dad and Clayton:
Clayton with his new hat:
Clayton showing off his new shirt:
Mom and Clayton:
Brian with his big bucks gift certificate:
My cousin's little girl helping Clayton open his gifts:
My cousin reading the Christmas story:
My cousins inspecting their "Dirty Santa" spoils:
And finally, me and Clayton Christmas night (we were pooped, but managed a good smile for the camera):

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Musician for Hire

Well, I think Clayton is ready to go on the road! Brian figured out how to get his guitar to stay on his walker and Clayton was a happy camper! He sat there and strummed forever, but his little legs were worn out from walking earlier, so he was tired of standing. I've never seen a child his age so obsessed with a muscial instrument. And he's gotten to where he can hold the pick and strum with one hand and put his left hand on the neck where it's supposed to be. He watches every move Brian makes with his guitar so that he can try it himself. He keeps great time--and since his legs don't work well right now, I really think he's a musician in the making. It's just too bad he doesn't like to hear me sing along with him!!!

Finally Got it Out

In the open that is:

Classy Scrapper Magazine

Busy Weekend

Friday night Brian and I went out to eat with some of our best friends and we had a great time just chillin' with each other. The highlight of the night was some good old Cold Stone Creamery ice cream. YUM, YUM. Clayton spent the night with my parents, so I had a much needed vacation from the wild nights that he usually has--I slept like a rock. It's almost like I go into a coma when he is not sleeping with me!

Yesterday we went to my GrandMother's for my dad's family's Christmas. It was hard to imagine it was Christmas considering we were all sweating and in short sleeves. Brian wanted to wear shorts, but I talked him out of it (SBR--wouldn't want the pics to look weird!). Clayton had so much fun--he even played a little bit of roller football in his wheelchair--I'm so glad he got to participate, and I think Brian lost a couple of pounds from running and pushing him around!

So we're back to our regularly scheduled lives for the next couple of days and then on to more Christmas celebrations next weekend. Looking forward to seeing the rest of my family.

Lighten' the Mood

I was tagged by Kelli last week and I'm just now getting around to taking care of it--maybe you'll learn something new about me!

A - Available or single: available to Brian
B - Best Friend: Brian
C - Cake or Pie: chocolate cake, chocolate pie--doesn't matter!
D - Drink of choice: Diet Coke
E - Essential Item you use everyday: deodorant
F - Favorite color: purple
G - Gummy Bears or worms: neither--can't stand the texture!
H - Hometown: somewhere in the middle of Arkansas
I- Indulgence: CHO-CO-LATE!
J - January or February: January--love the new start
K - Kids & Names: Clayton
L - Life is Incomplete Without? Family
M - Marriage Date: July 25
N - Number of Siblings: one brother
O - Oranges or Apples: apples
P - Phobias or Fears: mice, snakes, small spaces
Q - Fave Quote: Right now? Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go~Sam Ewing
R - Reason to Smile: Clayton
S - Season: fall
T - Tag 3 or 4 people: I'll come back to this one
U - Unknown Fact about Me: I'm secretly a reality TV junkie. (not proud of it, I know)
V- Vegetable You Don't Like: most of them!
W - Worst Habit: popping my knuckles
X - Xrays: what does this mean? yes, I guess, because Clayton gets them all the time!
Y - Your Fave Food: Chicken Chimichanga from Los Amigos
Z - Zodiac Sign: Gemini--I'M BIPOLAR!!

More on Teegan

I know some of you were wanting more information as I got it, so here is a message from Amy Stultz, Sarah's best friend:

I just got home a little while ago. This is has been the single mot difficult day of my life. I had no clue that your body could weep so much. There are not words in this world to describe the immense pain they are all in. I have known Sarah for 20 years and have never seen her like this. She is desperate. She is broken. It is truly horrific.

The preliminary autopsy results are in. Teegan passed from a very aggressive viral infection in her lungs. They told us that it most likely set in within 12 hours of her death. It was so massive that it eventually filled her poor little lungs with mucous and suffocated her. She passed due to a severe viral infection, the type of virus is still unknown at this time. Sarah and Grant were up with her at 3am and brought her into their bed. She snuggled into the middle and passed surrounded by the immense love and concern of her parents.

Please hug yur babies tonight. Like Sarah said, "I want my yesterdays back." Do not take a single moment for granted.

Yesterday I spent the day in shock. Last night, the sadness set in. Brian and I both just sat around the house with our mouths open from the shock and total confusion that we feel. And now today I simply want to sob. I have said this before and I'll say it again, I would not wish the pain of losing a child on my worst enemy. I still grieve for my loss and seeing others lose their child just opens my own wound wide open. I've learned to navigate around my pain and bitterness, and then something like this happens. I grieve for my friend. I grieve for myself. I grieve for all mothers and fathers who have to bury their child. And then I just want to scream "WHY???" It seems like so many people are losing their children! I read the obituaries and it seems like there are an abundance of child deaths. Please God, let it be clear when we get to Heaven. Please God, have an answer as to why my baby's body is buried under a bunch of dirt instead of sitting here in my lap, full of life. I am so thankful I have Clayton to focus on. He knows I am sad today and seems to sense I need his good sugars and lovin'. He's been blowing me kisses. Sweet baby. I'm scared to death of losing him. I just don't think I could bear it. I hope I don't give him a complex from hovering too much. He seems to be okay with it now, but as he gets older, I'm sure I'll here about how he needs his space! Maybe someday he will have his own children and he will know just how much I love him. There is no way I could ever have enough words to tell him just how great that love is.

Here is a picture of my friend Sarah with her children. Don't they just look beautiful?! Her boys doted on Teegan and I'm sure they will need your prayers just as much as Grant and Sarah.

In Memory of Teegan

When I checked my email this morning, I was not expecting the shocking message I received. This beautiful little girl is the daughter of Sarah O'Neal (writes the photography column for Classy Scrapper) and she did not wake up this morning--she died in her sleep. My heart is breaking for the O'Neals (pictured below). They have been through so much--you see, they have already buried one child. Their oldest son died three or four years ago in a car wreck. I simply cannot imagine the despair and heartache they are experiencing right now. If you can, please say a prayer for the O'Neals. Sarah has told me that their boys have really struggled with the death of their older brother and I am sure this is going to hit them even harder. I don't really know what else to say. Just pray for them.

Sleeping Baby

Okay, so he's not really a baby anymore, but he is my baby! And he is sound asleep at the moment. Mouth wide open kind of sleep. Why can't he sleep this good at night? His sleeping has never been right, but we do have some good nights. Haven't had one lately though! The last week has been horrible--I'm almost getting to where I'm dreading the night. I know in my head that he seriously needs another sleep study, but my heart hates to see him go through it. It was a nightmare last time and that was when he was little. I can't imagine what it would be like now with him being so aware of his surroundings and so much stronger. Maybe I'll get up the courage to mention it at his doctor's appointment tomorrow. I guess we'll just have to suck it up and suffer through it. Couldn't be much worse than some of these nights we have here at home. The goofy thing is he wakes up acting like he's had a good night's rest! It never seems to bother him, but me and Brian are dragging!

I Actually Shopped!

Brian had Friday afternoon off so we went Christmas shopping--this must be a record for me, because I usually wait until too late to do my gift shopping. I still have lots to do, but I at least have a head start this year. Now I'll just have to get busy on the wrapping!

Birthday Wishes!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!

I love you!

Deck the Halls!

I've spent the last two days decorating the house for Christmas, and I'm glad to say I'm finally done! So many of my decorations have special meaning, they are hand-me-downs or were gifts from friends. It's a walk down memory lane as I put them out.

So for those who aren't able to visit me during the holidays, here is a sneak peak of my home. (DISCLAIMER: I am not a photographer and these pics were taken during the day so you'll have to "imagine" the ambience of the season).


The top of the entertainment center:

The mantle (sure wish I had a Christmas painting to go with it):
The coffee table:
One of the end tables:
The tree (couldn't get a good pic to save my life!):

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON, the Nativity:

Enjoy the holiday season and Merry Christmas everyone!

Chill in the Air

A LITTLE one, that is. By this weekend the lows will be in the twenties. Finally feeling like the holiday season. Lately I was thinking it was Easter time instead of Christmas time!

Is This Weird?

I really like Mondays! Call me crazy, but the weekends are really hard for me unless we have something specific planned. I look forward to the weekdays because Clayton has a definite schedule, which means I have a schedule. On the weekends, we are just loosey goosey--in limbo, with no specific order to life. Especially now that we've given up on church for the time being. Not only is Saturday bad, but Sunday too! Don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY to keep me busy, but I'm not too motivated these days. I'm really hoping the holidays will give me something new to focus on--I'm sure I can stay busy these next few weekends.

Today I am Thankful For . . .

*my family
*my home
*my warm coat (froze today in the car while everyone else was hot)
*an abundance of food in the cabinet--I am never truly hungry
*the ability and resources that God has provided in order for me to stay home with Clayton

Love/Hate Relationship with ACH

First let me say that I appreciate all of the hard work that the people at ACH do. There are many doctors there that I have come to trust and lean on when Clayton is sick. Overall, they do a wonderful job with him. And I admire them for working with so many sick children while still keeping such a great outlook on life. BUT . . . . . . . .

I'M SO FRUSTRATED WITH THESE PEOPLE!

I know that they deal with many parents who are less than involved in their child's care. I know that many parents don't have a clue what's going on and don't even bother to find out. BUT THAT IS NOT US. The older Clayton gets, the more frustrated I become with some of the staff and underlings at the hospital. They refuse to give us any credit for knowing what's best for Clayton and KNOWING OUR CHILD. Heck, I think some of them can't even believe we get to take him home at night!

{{{HERE IS THE SPOT WHERE I TYPED A LONG TIRADE ABOUT TODAY'S EVENTS AT THE HOSPTIAL AND ABOUT HOW PEOPLE DO NOT LISTEN TO ME, CLAYTON'S MOTHER, WHEN DECIDING HOW TO BEST CARE FOR HIM. BUT STUPID BLOGGER LOGGED ME OUT AND I LOST ALL OF MY UNSAVED RANTING, SO I GUESS IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE SHARED.}}}

Shout Out

Just have to give a shout out to my friend Kelli Johnson for being my listening ear today--thanks girlie!!! (((SMOOCHES)))

Kids' Class

I taught a class for kids at the scrapbook store Tuesday night. They got to make this little frame--the idea was for them to give it to their teacher for Christmas. I think some of them might even be giving them to their grandparents or parents. They had so much fun--they really let loose when I gave them a bunch of Christmas paper and stickers to make a card to go along with it. I told them to just go crazy on the card and they did! It's amazing how much kids love stickers!

Bad Hair Week

As many of you know, Clayton had a bad hair week last week. The surgeon shaved WAY too much hair off and then ended up not even going in on his head. Here's what he looked like when he came home from the hospital (the scars are from previous surgeries):
It was horrible! He looked like a concentration camp victim. Luckily, Chasity agreed to come over and shave the rest off so he could at least look halfway normal. I'm still not happy with the way it looks--I miss his wavy, thick hair--but at least it's not half a mohawk anymore. I can't wait until it grows some more. Here's what he looks like today:

Home

We are home. Clayton acts like he feels great and he is back to normal on his oxygen levels. He can't get his incisions wet for two weeks, so baths have been interesting. I'm hoping we'll get a better system with the more we do it. I'm not thinking about anything important right now--my mind needs a rest. I'm basically scrapping, watching tv and eating chocolate. How's that for comfort?

What Am I Doing Here, Lord?

Saturday night Brian and I sang some cowboy songs for my GrandMother's Sunday School party that had a western theme. One of the songs we sang had this line in it and I sit here at the hospital and it just keeps coming to my mind--WHAT AM I DOING HERE, LORD? For that matter, what am I supposed to be doing with what God has given me? I feel so lost.

I was blessed with a beautiful voice (others' words, not mine), and I vowed a long time ago that I would use it to glorify God. And just about the time that I really got into the whole singing thing, and was truly finding "my voice" (in more ways than the obvious), I had the boys and things changed. I have not been able to be an active part of my church since. I have a choir robe that has four inches of dust on it and I even had to cancel my last two special music spots. I thought maybe God was using our situation to give me yet another perspective to speak from--a deeper testimony, if you will. So when Brian and I became active in a band this past year and we were really getting into a groove, I thought I had found my outlet. Then some things happened and that whole thing literally fell apart.

And scrapbooking. I never knew how many doors it would open for me. And I certainly never knew that I would become so involved in the online scrapbooking community. I have made lifelong friends and I've been able to stay connected to the "outside" world as I stay at home with Clayton. And the Lord provided ways for me to speak through yet another voice and even testify in a quiet and subtle way. And so when I decided to go even bigger with the magazine, I really felt God opening the doors. But now I sit here and think about my son. In the whole scheme of things, what is important?????

Clayton.

Clayton.

Clayton.

And now as I pray, I hear silence from God. No direction. No strong feelings toward anything except that I must take care of Clayton because he has been put in my care. But I can't help but wonder why God would bless me with so called "talent" and an abundance of resources but not allow me outlets to use it? Will it all really go down the drain? Three years have passed and still God waits? Presently reminding myself that his timing is perfect. But my human heart is begging for answers.

Shunt Issues

Clayton's shunt is malfunctioning. Explains why he feels so sick. We finally came to the ER last night--he is in surgery right now. He was even worse today--barely responding to anything in his environment. I'll be glad when this is over. :(

Sick Baby

If you're wondering where I'm at, I'm taking care of Clayton. He's been running fever off and on since Friday. Trying to decide which one of his doctors gets a call tomorrow. He feels horrible and he's letting us all know it. :(

Elmo's World

Clayton spent this Halloween night as Elmo--and as you can see from the second pic, he wasn't a big fan of having something on his head! He spent most of the night trying to pull it off and saying "uh oh!" I think next year I'll take the big plunge and do something major including his wheelchair: race car and race car driver, cowboy and his horse, conductor and a train, something along those lines. That way he'll be able to go trick or treating with his cousins (even though he has no interest in the candy!