35 Weeks (And a Crude Ultrasound Lesson)

Still pregnant!! And consuming as many calories as possible! Seriously, how can a person be this hungry??? And thirsty for that matter!

I'm feeling good, but I did overdo things yesterday, so I'm taking it majorly easy today. Just sitting here all day is my plan. I don't even have to go see the doctor this week so I really don't even know what to do with my free time on this Wednesday! So on that note, I decided to revisit last week's ultrasound to give the ultrasound-challenged a better perspective. For lack of an easier way to explain it, I decided to just draw the baby's face in (kind of cartoonish looking!), and then let you compare it to the original picture. Surely that helps some of you out there?? (PattiH, I'm talking to you!)

Can you see it now???

Cardboard Testimonies

If you've ever seen this video on youtube, then you'll know what I mean when I say "Cardboard Testimony." But if not, take a minute to watch . . .

On Easter, we took part in sharing our testimony with our church and visitors. It's such a simple concept: this is what we were, and on the flip side, this is what we are WITH GOD. We had so many special testimonies shared at our own church, that I was bound and determined to get the video up on my blog. But the file is way too big, and I'm just way too video-challenged (simply put: I don't understand our software!).

It's taken several years to get to this point in our journey, but Brian and I are both learning that the challenges we have been given are indeed a part of the "bigger plan" God has for us, and that our son is thriving despite all of the hardships!! Do we still get frustrated? Yes. Do we still ask why? Yes. But it is so much easier to accept the answers these days---and because of this particular journey we've come to know so many special families and kids. It's eye-opening the day you realize the most challenging aspects of your life are also the ones that bring you the most blessings!

(Quite an emotional moment . . .)

I ♥ Faces: Hats

This week's theme over at I ♥ Faces is "Hats." And since the weather has been yucky around here (and hence super bad lighting), I haven't been able to get a new photo of Clayton. So I pulled an oldie out from March 2008. I'm thinking he's just as cute in this one as any I could have taken this week!!

Check out the rest of the entries at http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/!

Showered

My sister-n-law, Nicole (below), was kind enough to throw me a baby shower this past weekend. And to be perfectly honest, in the beginning of this pregnancy I was a little nervous about a shower. The one I had for Clayton was just so emotional that I was scared to do it again. But circumstances are so different of course, and Saturday turned out to be a very happy occassion!! I'm now glad I decided to let my friends and family spoil my baby!! (It's just too bad we had torrential rains that kept most people at home!!)

And for the curious (read: Patti and Cheri!), here's an updated belly shot:

34 Weeks

(Baby is turned to his left looking at us).

We've made it to the homestretch! Still having random contractions, my cervix is shortening, but we are now in the safe zone and things like this are normal now! The baby weighed 5 pounds, 3 ounces yesterday and as you can tell from his little face, he's actually getting a little chubby!

I ♥ Faces: Reflection

So I've been following this blog for a while now and I finally decided to throw my photos in the hat. It's too bad I picked a really tough theme for my first contest with them! Fortunately, I had just taken a self-portrait of myself not too long ago that was my reflection, so the only challenge was getting a pic of Clayton involving a reflection. And did I mention Clayton is less than a willing photo subject for Momma these days????

My entry for the adult category:

And my entry for the kid category:

Their contests run every week so head over to http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/ to check it out!

Soccer Season

This past Saturday was Clayton's first soccer practice of the year. It's always interesting to see what's going to happen with him out there on the field! His two helpers definitely got a workout since he did little walking on his own. Towards the end, he did finally talk them into getting him out of the walker--that was when the REAL workout started . . .he's just so stiff with those AFO's on that there's no easy answer on moving him around the field. We are planning on trying his reverse walker next week and if that doesn't work, I say let him wear his regular shoes so he can loosen up and kick the ball!

Can you see him waving back at mom? :)

Throwing the ball into the goal:

And here they are planning their strategy:

Snapped the pic right after he kicked the ball:

And here's how they motored around the field--just picked up his feet and pushed onward . . .
It's so chaotic on the field since each child has at least one helper. When they actually played the scrimmage, it was just this huge mass of people moving around the field. Who knows where the ball actually was?! But all in all, it seemed a lot more organized than last year simply because the parents were asked to stay on the sidelines and let the helpers do the work.

Now Taking Suggestions

We've always planned to keep the baby's name a secret. And up until today we were halfway decided on one particular name. But over the last few days I've been having second thoughts about it and didn't want to tell Brian simply because it was the only name we've been able to compromise on! And then today out of the blue Brian says he just can't do that name for such and such reasons. And so I confessed that I was not so sure anymore either . . . that means we're back to square one and with every {random} contraction that I have, I feel even more pressure to decide on The Absolutely Perfect Name for this baby! And while I'm not into public opinion polls, I'm open to any suggestions from my blog readers--maybe it will at least give us something to start from!

33 Weeks

This last week felt like a whole month! But I'm glad to report that I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER! Yesterday I only had a couple of contractions so it seems like my body is finally settling down after all the commotion from being sick. Thank the Lord I'm past that horrible nauseated feeling!

Hello, Old Friend

A couple of weeks ago, I had a small panic attack: I couldn't find my breast pump! I had the box with all the "parts," but no actual pump! And considering just how expensive these babies are, I was getting a little nervous. Not to mention the sentimental attachment I had to such a weird piece of equipment . . .thank goodness Brian found it in the attic last night. I'm definitely relieved I don't have to start over with a new pump. Why so important you say? Well, in August 2003 when the boys were born, this little bag became a part of my being. I literally carried it everywhere I went. And it seemed that no matter where I went, it was always time to pump again! My little babies were so sick and there was not much I could do for them as they lay in the hospital, but I quickly discovered that I was good at making milk. So make milk I did! I was DETERMINED to pump until they were ready to actually breastfeed, no matter how long it took to get them there. Shawn was the first to eat--he had a few meals of 1 and 2 ccs before he got sick. I'm so glad he was able to get that little part of me before he died. Clayton, on the other hand, took months to get well enough to eat. And when he did, my milk had to be mixed with formula to pack on the calories for him. And by the time he actually did start using my milk, I had used all of my storage space at the NICU and filled up TWO deep freezers full of bottles! (We even had to buy a new one just to make room!) The lactation consultant was pretty impressed with me, if I do say so myself!

I guess it was sometime in January 2004 that Clayton was able to actually start trying to directly breastfeed. And hence, the whole preemie issue of "oral aversion" was introduced into our lives. (Oral aversion: preemies develop this condition from having the ventilator tubing down their throats for so long and from not initially learning to eat right out of the womb). He started breastfeeding just a bit, but it soon became too overwhelming for him. We then moved to the bottle and again, he initially did well. And then POOF! One day it was over. He refused to put a bottle in his mouth and when you did get it in there, he choked and sputtered all over the place. Feedings quickly became nightmares for all involved! This was all still in the NICU, and Clayton couldn't go home until he was feeding well on his own. After a couple of weeks of literally fighting him to feed from a bottle eight times a day, we made the decision to put the g-tube in. A g-tube has it's own set of problems, but I'm so glad we went ahead and did it since that was the only thing keeping Clayton from coming home.

But back to the milk . . .Clayton continued receiving my breastmilk through his tube for several months, but he just didn't grow. We finally started seeing a GI doctor and discovered he was allergic to milk and wasn't going to grow as long as we kept giving him something he couldn't even absorb well! I just about went into mourning when I discovered all of my milk would go to waste. All my hardwork down the drain! I even tried to find a place to donate it to, but no one in Arkansas took it and I would have to pay to ship it to Texas, the closest place. Couldn't do that, so reluctantly, I threw almost two deep freezers full of breastmilk away. Definitely a sad day for a lactating momma!

SOOOOOOO. . . that all being said, I'm really looking forward to getting a redo on breastfeeding. I know I won't need the pump as much, and feeding a baby actually seems a little scary to me (that pump was very reliable and worked right on schedule!), but if I'm able to pick up where I left off last time, breastfeeding this time around should go very well!!

Shifting Gears

I'm still getting over last week. It's almost like I'm moving in slow motion while my mind is making list after list of things I need to be doing. I spent Saturday taking it easy and the minute I decided to get up and move around, the contractions slowly returned, albeit randomly. I felt even better Sunday morning and since the sun was shining, decided to give church a go. I really needed to be there anyway since the day was supposed to be spent preparing for the Caravan Blue and White Dinner that yours truly was in charge of! To be honest, the service was mostly a blur because all three of us seemed out of it--even Clayton was extra whiney from all the craziness of last week. And even though I should have come home and gone straight back to the couch, I did manage to get back up to the church to at least help a bit and supervise the dinner. I was actually okay for a while, but it was definitely time for me to sit down and rest long before the dinner ever even started.

Just to prove how bad I felt: I only took two pictures and never even bothered to ask anyone to use my camera for pictures! Definitely a sign that I'm not feeling well!

I'm so glad I had MANY, MANY helpers who took the bull by the horns last night and just did what had to be done--the dinner went over without a hitch and the families and kids had a great time (from what I've heard and could tell).

I'm hoping to spend the rest of the week taking it easy--I'm just sending major "stay-in-the-womb" vibes to Baby C!

32 Weeks

Wow. What a week.

Monday afternoon: fever

Monday night: fever + contractions

Tuesday morning: contractions + severe morning sickness (AKA vomitting on the side of the road on the way to the doctor!)

Tuesday all day: stay in labor & delivery (negative flu test, negative fetal fibronectin test, CBC good, a little anenemic, no dehydration BUT contractions 2-4 minutes apart). shots to stop contractions, sent home only to spend the afternoon throwing up and eventually adding diarrhea to the mix. oh, what joy!

Wednesday: severe nausea + a few contractions. back to doctor and labor & delivery for IV fluids and nausea meds. spent the afternoon in a stupor but at least the contractions and nausea were finally gone. finally able to keep some food down but my belly was cramping big time.

Thursday day: feeling MUCH better, able to function and even help with Clayton a bit.

Thursday evening: ended up passing out on my parents and realized that maybe my recovery would be a bit slower than I thought.

Today: Feeling even better, but still afraid to push myself.

AND IN THE MEANTIME, Little Baby C has been handling the stress wonderfully. He's been moving around and enjoying the excitement I guess . . . He weighs 4 pounds 4 oz. now and just for good measure I got two steroid shots for his lungs due to all the contractions. I'm glad they're on board, but I'll be just as happy to have him wait about four more weeks before making his entrance!

Happy Easter!

"They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus . . . And in their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? HE HAS RISEN!"

Easter Egg Hunt

Today was the church Easter Egg Hunt. Or should I say Easter Egg Race??? There is no actual hunting, just a race to see who can get the most eggs the fastest (since they are all just laying out in the grass). And since Clayton goes with the older kids now, this basically means he manages to get a couple of eggs and the whole "hunt" is over. Thank goodness for my friends who formed a barrier around Clayton and shooed the other kids away so he could get more than one egg!! And since he doesn't eat candy (he does lick on it!), he really doesn't have to have many eggs, but it's really just the whole principle of the thing--I think I'll suggest we tweak the process next year . . . and even though he doesn't really eat candy, he wanted to open every egg and look inside just to take inventory of all of his loot!He loved the jumphouse (thank you, Tanya!):

But the best part of the day by far was that Clayton won the grand prize: a brand new bike! He is all about bikes right now and he had been eyeing this one all day. He was so excited when he actually got to sit on it! We've been looking at modified bikes for a while because he wants to ride every bike we see. Brian will have to take this one back to Wal-Mart because it's definitely for a bigger boy--it will be interesting to see what he does with one that has training wheels!

31 Weeks

And I just couldn't help myself! I definitely have boy stuff. There isn't much I need. But I just couldn't help but buy something especially for little Baby C. And when I saw this outfit and a couple more at Target the other day, I just knew he had to have them! After all, he can't live on hand-me-downs alone!!

Nature's Way?

I can't sleep. I've been up and down every night for a week and I bet I was awake every 30-45 minutes last night. Tonight should be even more interesting since it seems to be getting worse as the days pass! And at 3:00 this morning it finally occurred to me: maybe this is just nature's way of getting me ready for nights with a newborn!

(Photo taken at the local university--I can't believe these tulips have survived the wind and cold air of the past few days!)

Palm Sunday

In following tradition, our kids waved the palms in honor of Palm Sunday yesterday. Every single year that Clayton has participated, it's all I can do to keep from sobbing! I'm just so darn proud of him for being able to participate right along side the rest of the kids. And this year he even did it without Daddy's help! (And with a smile on his face at that!)

Thanks to my friend Rhonda for being on photo patrol!!

By Popular Demand

So many emails, blog posts, and message board posts begging for a new belly pic! I hope this is satisfactory for everyone because I'm not about to show my bare belly to the world with it this big! I took this one today at 30 weeks, 3 days. Just ten more weeks to go!

Hindsight

I've been going through a lot of my old pictures lately and boy, was I surprised at what I discovered! I was absolutely flabbergasted at how much weight Clayton put on after his new diet kicked in--and I've basically been feeling guilty ever since! How could we not have seen how heavy he was getting?! I guess we were just so glad to find a GI doctor that could make him grow that we were oblivious to the predicament we were putting both him and us in. It's taken quite some time for him to actually grow length wise and slim up instead of grow out . . .and we did ourselves no favors since he is totally dependent on us for mobility! Here he is in the NICU (August 2003) just a couple of days old (1 lb, 8 oz). He's so skinny, you can count his little ribs. And here he is at almost a week old--still the preemie skinny:

This pic was taken some time in late 2004 here at home. He weighed around 12 lbs for several months:



And then in February 2005, we finally started seeing the new doc and started the new feeding regiment. And when she said she could "get a rock to grow if you feed it enough of the right stuff," she wasn't kidding! You can see by this pic in July 2005, he was finally starting to get his baby fat:

And then this next one bothers me big time (July 2006). He is always beautiful, but how could we not recognize how chubby he was??? I mean, when I look at this pic, I think he looks sick in the total opposite way that he was in the beginning. And we never even realized it! It didn't help that he had his dad's shorty genes either! He ended up getting to the 95th percentile in weight while still in the negative percentiles on height. Quite the little chunk--no wonder he was slow to make gains in physical therapy . . . I can't believe how hard we made it on him and that we didn't recognize it enough to say a big NO to the doctor on increasing his calories anymore. She has since told me she likes to err on the side of a heavy baby, but I can't say I would always agree with that position. For a child who gets no "regular" excercise, and who is totally dependent on others for mobility; it just seems natural to err on the lighter side of weight. But hindsight is 20/20 I suppose, and like I said earlier, we were just so glad to see him grow out of that preemie look that we didn't even notice! (Oh, and I do have to say that those big, beautiful eyes still stand out!)

He finally started slimming up (or stretching out you might say) in 2007. This one was in September:

And in July 2008:

He's been on the same calorie intake for three years. Which translates to a big-time diet for his age. And while his weight has finally leveled off (he's been at or around fourty pounds for at least a year now), he continues to grow taller and his legs are getting longer and longer. Definitely a better way to grow in my opinion! Here he is in February of this year, all healthy little boy and baby no more . . .

30 Weeks

Just got back from my 30 week appointment. Felt like I hadn't seen the doctor in ages since it had been a whole two weeks! I still feel good and in general I'm doing well, but things are changing. The good news: my cervix is still very thick. The not-so-good news: I've dilated to a "tight 1 (cm)" which is a definite change from the last time she checked me (cervix was fully closed at last check). I also had "large blood volume" in my urine today, so that's been sent off for a culture to see if it's another bladder infection or if the blood is coming from my cervix. She asked me if I've been having contractions, and to be honest I really don't know! The baby is EXTREMELY busy almost all the time and it feels like he's been turning lots of somersaults--who knows? These feelings may actually be some contractions??? All I know is I didn't know I was contracting during my last labor until they hooked me up to the monitor and told me I was, so I'm probably not the best person to ask!! She sent off another fetal fibronectin test since things were changing. We'll know the results tomorrow and go from there.

Surprisingly, I wasn't panicked after the visit. I just feel so blessed to have gotten this far that I feel like I'm in the home stretch now. And the baby looked great on the ultrasound today. It took her forever to get his heartrate because he was "practicing" breathing. You could see his little chest moving back and forth. Doctor says this is a sign of fetal well-being and that means he's a happy camper! I say keep on practicing breathing, baby, because it'll be great to have those nice and healthy lungs!!!

The Right Answer

A layout about a revelation I had the other day as Clayton was singing to me:

Journaling: In the last five years, we’ve learned a lot about prayer. We’ve prayed for complete healing for both of our boys, fully expecting for our version of “healing” to be realized. Our human minds could only fathom one version of healing for our twins: two healthy, “normal” boys running around and playing. But the Lord has shown us that our type of healing wasn’t the only kind around. Shawn was entirely healed the moment he entered Heaven—never having to experience pain again. And in Clayton’s case, his healing has come more slowly and in sweeter doses. Each milestone is more special than the last, simply because he has overcome so much and defied all the medical odds. He wouldn’t be our Clayton if he hadn’t had to fight all these battles! My mother’s heart still has days that it longs for my twins to be here on earth together, totally well and strong little guys. But as time passes, I realize that God’s will is the best will despite our original prayers. And as my baby sings the words “Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus” back to me, I’m amazed to realize that even though we haven’t always gotten the answers we were looking for, we have always been blessed with the right answers to our prayers.

Patriotic Duty

One of the Caravan classes at church is studying the flag in order to complete their badge requirements. They had some guest Boy Scouts come in to teach them all about the flag and it's symbolism, so Clayton's class got to join in. He was so excited to have his turn helping to fold the flag!

Thanks to Ms. Sherrie for helping out and to Bailee for being a great partner!

29 Weeks

YAY for another week of pregnancy! Don't have much to report since I didn't even have to see the doctor this week. I did go in for my shot, but got to skip the ultrasound this time since I've been doing so well! This week has been a little weird because I'm actually preparing for the baby--something I didn't get to do the last go around. I've been going through Clayton's baby clothes and sorting through what I can use. I even managed to get registered this week (even though I really didn't have a clue what I was doing!). I hope I'm remembering all the basics, we'll just have to wait and see when the baby gets here!

Saving the Cord Blood

Just like when I was pregnant with the boys, I spend lots of time during this pregnancy watching those always available baby shows. They seem to be on all. day. long. I kind of have a love/hate relationship with them, mainly because they rarely show birth stories like my boys', just the happy-go-lucky ones where a nice, healthy baby comes right on time. But I watch anyway. And since I watch, I've seen umpteen commercials about saving your baby's cord blood for future use. And while it would definitely be a good thing for Baby C if he ever needed it, I've found through a lot of research that Clayton may benefit as well. Doctors at Duke University are experimenting with treating Cerebral Palsy with the stem cells found in umbilical cord blood. The catch right now is that they only use the child's very own cord blood for the treatment. But with the way medical research goes these days, we're hoping that the use of a sibling's cord blood becomes one of their treatments. It's definitely not a cure-all, but any improvement we could see in Clayton would be well worth the money spent on banking the cord blood. You can't help but get excited by watching the videos of children who have already undergone treatment.

Another Full Weekend

We had another happenin' weekend around our house. We spent Friday night at the Gaither Concert and didn't get home until after midnight--I couldn't believe Bill Gaither kept the senior citizens out so late!! We just had to go because when they are on TV, Clayton is mesmerized by all the singing and praising that goes on. It was definitely a little different at a live concert though--he sang along with the songs he knew, but he was completely distracted by all that was going on around him. We were right next to the stairs, so he had to stare at each person who walked up and down--he just couldn't get enough of the people!

And even though we thought we'd take it easy on Saturday, we ended up going shopping for some Easter clothes--Clayton's the only one who actually ended up with an Easter outfit. Tried to find him some shoes, but finding shoes for a kid with high muscle tone can be a little more than frustrating. Brian and I both just gave up after trying on endless pairs of shoes.

Yesterday was beautiful and we even made it to the playground for a little bit--we couldn't stay forever because I couldn't help Brian and one person can only carry Clayton around for so long . . . he did get to enjoy the swings and the slide though. After that, he just wanted to get back to "riding in daddy's truck." We ended up coming home and cooking hot dogs on the grill. And since Clayton was doing his own cooking and talking up a storm, I thought I'd share it here for my blog readers. (I wish I had gotten the camera out sooner because by this time he was losing steam on the conversation--but you'll still get to see that he's a talker!) Hope you all enjoy!

First Day of Spring

So glad the sun is shining today! It's amazing how great it feels to ride around town with the sunroof open and the radio up loud!

28 Weeks

Look at that little face! (Had to turn it vertical so everyone could see him straight on). He's looking so much like a chubby little baby instead of one of those little aliens they all start out as! All is well with my cervix--in fact it's longer than ever. That progesterone is definitely doing it's job! I'm doing so well I get to wait two whole weeks before I see the doctor again. Definitely a good sign! He's finally head down again, which is much more comfortable for this momma, since he's been doing his Jazzercises for the last 24 hours it seems.

I'm really starting to feel the pregnancy these days. My hip bones feel like they are going to split apart sometimes and I get heartburn from everything that I eat. I'm also extremely tired--I honestly wish I could just nap all day! And there are some weird things that keep it interesting as well: restless leg syndrome (my right leg jumps around the bed all night!) and major muscle cramps each morning in my legs. And even though I'm not lifting Clayton anymore, just sitting with him on the couch is starting to wear me out--he just seems to wrestle me to death and doesn't realize I can't handle it. Not complaining about any of this since I'm so glad to still be pregnant, but definitely making note of the changes in my body and energy level!

In Daddy's Truck

Afternoons have definitely been different lately. The prettier the weather, the more guilty I feel for not being able to do anything fun with Clayton once we get home from school. Normally, we would go to the store, go for a walk, or at least sit on the porch to enjoy getting out. But since I can't lift him, once we get home and Brian gets him unloaded, he is pretty much stuck in his chair until Brian comes back from work. Not a fun way to spend a beautiful afternoon if you're five! So lately, Brian's been trying to take Clayton with him on his errands if it's feasible and I've even started going along for the rides as well. Clayton is one happy camper riding in daddy's truck (one of his favorite activities), and these days going to the "paint store" and "Lowe's house" are at the top of his fun list. Yesterday was so nice, we left the school and headed for the store without even going home. We eventually had to come back and get the truck for the supplies, but we headed right back out and Clayton was in heaven riding around town. And since we didn't have his wheelchair at Lowe's, he had a first yesterday with riding in the buggy at the store. He had to work extra hard at sitting up, and you could tell he was tired by the time we were leaving--but there's nothing like a little extra therapy while you're shopping!