What I Do on the Weekends

On the message boards I frequent people are always asking what are your plans for the weekend? What'd you do over the weekend? Well, this is pretty much what I'll be doing every weekend until fall . . .

and the money shot (looks like a mag pic with all that spray!):

Thanks to my hubby for putting up with me--I've wanted these pics for a while . . .glad we finally got the chance to get them.

Since I'm Sharing NICU Pics

I'd thought I'd share this one of Clayton's cute little feet . . .can you believe how little he was???

(AND, can you tell I've learned how to use our scanner? I'm having fun with these old pics!)

Just Can't Shake It

Over the last week, I've thought about Shawn for hours . . .don't know why, he's just on my mind. I think it started when I was working on a layout about him which I have yet to finish. I want all my layouts about him to be so perfect that I labor over each little element of the page. My mind just wanders. When he first died, I looked through his pictures with a smile on my face, so proud. And then I went through a long period when I couldn't look at his pictures at all. And for a while I would look at them and get so angry--angry in a jealous way. Angry that he isn't here. But now when I look at them, I'm angry for a totally different reason. I see how sick he got the day before he died. That night was horrible; he was so sick. It makes me furious that he had to suffer! Yes, those moments were wonderful for us--we were able to have some time to love him and hold him. But he was so sick. How horrible that he had to endure that!

And for those who will worry about this post, I'm not "depressed" any more than usual about it, just reflective. He just seems to occupy my thoughts a lot these days. On a happier note, I love this pic of him even though you can't see his face (most pictures we have of him he is wearing a mask for his eyes). You can see his strawberry blonde hair and the way the lights were that day made him look like a little angel. How strangely prophetic. The doctors were very optimistic about him before he got the staph infection. When they started laying him on his belly, he literally tried to crawl out of the bed a couple of times. One doctor said he was incredibly agile for a baby in his condition. We just knew he would survive and do well. Not so. And here I go again with the what ifs . . . . .

YIKES!

Has it already been a week? I can't believe I've neglected my blog for so many days! Let's see . . . for those who are curious, we didn't really do anything on my birthday for my birthday--the lake trips last weekend were pretty much the celebration. On my birthday, I actually cleaned the bathrooms and sat around here! My mom did buy me a birthday cake even though we didn't have an actual party. Good thing, too, because if not for that birthday cake, I think Brian would have starved to death. He devoured that thing!

Tuesday, we had band practice here at our house--hope the neighbors liked the music! Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were the same ole', same ole', and Saturday we had a family outing to the courthouse for the weekly bluegrass singing. There is a group of "pickers" that play bluegrass at the courthouse every Saturday. Brian has gone up there before and played with them. This was the first time Clayton and I went with him. Clayton loved it of course and they even asked me to sing a little. Problem is I don't know a lot of bluegrass! I told them I would come prepared next time. They had some kids up there that could play just as well as the old folks--amazing musical talent.

Last night, Brian and I did a grocery haul at Wal-Mart. I have no idea if we got anything to cook for meals, but we got a ton of snack food--you could tell we were in the snacking mood when we shopped. In fact, I think I'll be having spinach dip for lunch!

I've been listening to some old Mahialia Jackson music for the last couple of days--she would have been great to see at a jazz club way back when.

The other big news is I bought a potty chair for Clayton. He is smart enough to get it, but it's going to be a logistical nightmare. He usually says "diaper" before he poo poos and he knows exactly what pee peeing is. I sat him on it this morning and we couldn't get everything in the right spot if you know what I mean--I'm glad he didn't actually pee because it would have sprayed right onto me! Ah, the joys of boys!

Gotta go for now--I need to make use of my "mommy time" while Clayton is in therapy!

This is What I Would Like to Know:

How can a card that is mailed to me from across town on May 24 get to me on the same day as the card that was mailed from Australia on May 24?

Memorial Day Weekend

We had a great weekend on the lake--and as you can see, Clayton even rode in the tube! My pictures didn't turn out great because the sun was setting and I couldn't keep still enough to keep things in focus! We were all a little disappointed in the weather. It couldn't have been less cooperative. It actually poured down rain on us as we were getting the boat ready--but we endured and had a great time anyway. The sun finally came out late Sunday afternoon. And of course it was hot and sunny today--it figures, since we stayed home today . . . .

And thank you to everyone for your birthday wishes! I'm another year older, but I'm feeling the exact same as yesterday. I am wondering where the last 10 or 15 years ran off to though!

Thursday

Today is one of those days when I just want to sit and vege. I did a little housework earlier this week (enough to get by), and I went to Wal-Mart yesterday, so I'm just feeling like a bum today! I am doing the neverending laundry and entertaining Clayton, but I'm thinking he'll want a nap soon. :)

Design Team Work

All of these cards were made with the May Card Kit from Inspire Me Card Kits. I only added ribbon, brads, the Happy Birthday stamp and Ranger ink.

No Matter Where You Go In Life . . .

. . . you start and end with family. Friday was my maternal grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary, and Saturday we gathered to celebrate with them. It was the first time all of my cousins were together (except for one) since my wedding ten years ago. And although I was worried about it feeling strange, it turned out to be an enjoyable day. I'm almost certain I can say a good time was had by all. Here are some snapshots of the day--I didn't get all the pics I wanted and some people seem to be good at avoiding the camera, but I'll get them eventually! The last pics are of me and my cousins--you'll be able to guess who the biggest cut up is!

(My brother and I are in the middle, the two on the outside are brothers and the two in the back are brothers).

Online Crop

Be sure and join us at Inspire Me Card Kits for our online Pajama Party this weekend (May 18-19)--Dannie is celebrating one year of having a kit site and there will be lots of prizes and giveaways for participants!!

Little Fits

So this is what Clayton is doing on the boat if my mom isn't holding him:

Needless to say, all of the boats around us disappeared after a while. Guess they just couldn't take the echo of a three year old screaming for his way. He just doesn't get that Granny can't hold him all the time! He's starting to throw these little fits more often, and I'm thinking he's finally going through his terrible twos. With babies as premature as he was, they tend to be delayed in a lot of things, and I guess this is just one more thing--we have the terrible threes instead!

Here's a Crazy One For Ya

So I went to the dentist today. Brian and I both had appointments to get our teet cleaned. But when I got back there, Gail, (the hygenist who has known me since my birth) asks me about my heart murmur. I said I don't know, I've just always been told by my mom that I have a heart murmur and everytime I get my blood pressure checked, no one can ever count my heartbeats because my heart beats weird or something. So she proceeds to explain to me that since it's in my record (one of those long lists that I just checked that I had been diagnosed with), their new policy is that I can't get my teeth cleaned until I get it officially checked out! Since bleeding may occur in my mouth and bacteria may be present, it "might" collect in my heart and cause problems later. (Which means they need to premedicate with antibiotics). Ugh! Now, I'm not worried about all this, but IT'S JUST ONE MORE THING! It means in order to get my teeth cleaned, I have to get this checked out by one, maybe two other doctors, make another appointment with the dentist, find childcare for Clayton, cancel Clayton's therapies, etc. The good thing about Brian and me going together is that we can take turns sitting with Clayton while the other one is getting worked on. This is why I never take time to make appointments for myself!

Reflecting

Six years ago today, Brian's mom passed away after a long fight with lung cancer. Today the memory is especially strong simply because she died on a Tuesday. I've been reflecting on the events of that day--I remember Brian calling me at work--he was devastated. Thankfully, I was able to leave and immediately started making plans to get to Florida. Of course that "bereavement fare" that the airlines talk about is such a crock. It cost us over $400 a piece to fly that trip. Not much of a discount if you ask me. At any rate, the anniversary of her death is always weird simply because it is always the week before Mother's Day. Brian still has the gift he bought her for Mother's Day that year. I don't think either one of us will ever be able to get rid of it. It's just weird. She was only 45. That's only 15 years older than I am now! Will I have done everything I wanted to do in just 15 more years? Seems like such a short amount of time for a life these days. When she was sick, I never dreamed that I would miss her once she was gone. Yes, we got along, but we weren't the best of friends by any means. But now that she is gone, Brian's life has changed tremendously. I miss her for his sake mostly. And for Clayton's sake definitely. I wish Clayton could have known her because she would have loved him to death. I saw the way she loved her other grandkids and they were her world. I wish Clayton could have known that love as well. My mom is his bestest friend, but it wouldn't have hurt a bit for him to have known his other Granny. And because of her death, my father-in-law has remarried and had another child who is Clayton's age. Clayton won't even really get to have a semi-close relationship with him either simply because he's definitely got his hands full with his new little family. I'm not really sad today, just mainly wondering why God works the way he does. Seems like I spend half my time doing that! (Like it ever helps!!!)

Weekend Recap

The plan was to go to the lake Saturday, and when we woke up the weather was not "lake" weather. Lots of clouds and it looked like it could rain any minute. But I really was determined to go, so I talked everyone back into it. We ended up going, and while the sun definitely didn't shine, we had a good day and relaxed a lot. Of course Sunday was a beautiful sunshiney day. It figures. I did learn that as I get older, my obsessive/compulsive nature is getting worse. I was almost physically ill because we had made plans and they were changing! My whole day was going to be totally messed up and I couldn't adjust--I'm glad we decided to go anyway because I would have been sulky if we hadn't! Now, Brian, on the other hand is the complete opposite--NO plan is HIS PLAN. He loves to fly by the seat of his pants and it drives him crazy that I can't adjust--don't know if we'll ever get together on that issue.

Sun-Kissed (sort of)

I know tanning is bad for you, but it is amazing how much better I feel about myself when I look in the mirror and see some actual color on my skin. I feel healthier and a lot prettier. Even if it's a sunburn! I don't tan regularly--just this time of year (I'm not very dedicated), but I am glad for the little bit it helps! My philosphy is tanned fat is prettier than white fat!!!

We had band practice last night and even though Mike wasn't there, we really got "People Get Ready" nailed down. We're planning to practice again with him on Friday so we'll have it ready for May 20 when I'm scheduled to sing at church. I'm excited about singing this song because it really goes along with what Pastor Tim has been preaching about lately: being BOLD in reaching the lost to Christ. I'm praying that I can become so much better at this--and maybe my music will help me begin to share my faith with more people. And maybe someday we'll actually get something on a CD so I can share it here!!

Announcement

Finally get to share the news: I've been asked to join the design team over at Inspire Me Card Kits! I'm so flattered that I was asked based on recommendation--can't wait to get started . . .the first big thing will be helping host the one year birthday party for the site--the IMCK Pajama Party will be May 18-19. Hope to see you there!

Clayton

Have I told you how great Clayton is doing lately??? :) He is staying well, and is THRIVING! He is a motormouth and at last count had OVER ONE HUNDRED WORDS in his vocabulary! His speech therapist can hardly keep up with all his changes in speech pattern and in vocabulary! It's like he read the goals she had written for him and started working on them immediately. For example, she set a goal for him to start pronouncing the ending sound of words and he almost instantly caught on. He now says daD. beD. poP. bacK. socK. He is so cute!!! He even said a couple of words for Dr. Lyle yesterday in clinic--which is rare--he is usually very quite at clinic. On guard, to say the least. But he managed to say diaper, shoowee, shoe, sock and even signed "daddy," I thought Dr. Lyle was going to cry from the sheer excitement of seeing Clayton doing so well!!!

Random Questions

Why has my hair suddenly started curling in the front? That curl is getting on my nerves . . .

Why do I still get telemarketer calls even though I'm on the "do not call" list?

Why do these telemarketers call to ask if they can mail you something? Do they really need my permission to mail something?

How does my house stay so dirty when there are two adults and one child (who can't get in the dirt without help) living here? Oh yeah, it's that dog we have living here . . . .

When will my house ever be "organized" like my brain wants it to be? I feel like I'm being overrun by our STUFF and I'm constantly getting rid of things to make more room and it still seems like we are busting at the seams of every nook and cranny!

Why am I becoming obsessed with food? I'm not hungry, but I worry about my next snack all the time. It's like I'm so bored I have to have food to keep my busy . . .

But why do I say I'm bored when I'm constantly running around trying to catch up to the next thing on my list?

Ah, the ponderings of a stay at home mom . . . .

Just an FYI

When you click on my layouts to the right, you are taken to ScrapJazz.com--if you want to read the journaling, scroll down to the bottom of the page. I almost always have the journaling typed out so that you can read it without a magnifying glass!!!