Monday, June 26, 2006

Random Thoughts on the Weekend

Not much of anything happened this weekend. We had band practice Friday night. It was almost another bust of a practice because we all actually got there, only to find someone else using the church sound system. We just waited them out, we knew they would eventually get tired of singing. :) I don't know how much longer this band thing is going to work. We have the potential to be pretty good, but a lot of road blocks are coming up. Logistics and attitudes are the main problems. I only hope that we can work past these issues--I've gotten spoiled to singing with live music as opposed to those horrible CDs you have to buy.
I was supposed to take Clayton to a pool party Saturday night. I didn't. I have no REAL excuse as to why I didn't. I had even RSVP'd. I just didn't want to go--#1: I dreaded putting a bathing suit on for the world to see; #2: I dreaded dealing with Clayton by myself in the pool and everywhere else (Brian was out of town); #3: It's such a downer to see Clayton stare at all the other kids playing--he wants to play so bad! I just wish he could join them instead of always being a spectator. They all come and say hi to him, but that's about the extent of his "play." Ugh. I wish I wasn't like this! I deal with all these issues by simply avoiding certain situations. I just wish I could be with a group of friends and their kids without spending the next two days crying about poor pitiful me for having the disabled kid. But I cry for Clayton as much as myself. And what kind of example is that setting for him? We tell him and treat him as if he is capable of conquering the world, but then I cry everytime we are out in it? Wow. I've got some major issues to deal with, don't I? Maybe someday I'll have it under control, but for now it's seems like the wound just keeps festering. And my friendships suffer for it. It's so selfish of me to just avoid my friends and their social engagements--I hope they don't give up on me. I love them and their families, I just wish I could be around to show it more.
On the scrapbooking front, I was really hoping to make the Create My Keepsake Design Team, but I didn't. They did pick some very talented girls--they had 100 applications for three spots. I can't imagine picking from that many talented people! And although I didn't make the team, I did discover a great community at CMK--there are several girls from Arkansas and Missouri and the owner, Rebecca, is super sweet and very involved in the forums. Makes you feel right at home!
I finished six pages for my LSS today. Those pages are so hard to do because I don't have pictures to work off of! My usual process is to start with the pic, think of a title, get papers, etc. So I'm really challenged to get these pages done considering I have to change my process all around! She closes at three tomorrow, but I'm still hoping to get up there after Clayton's therapy. I am in dire need of adhesive--I can't believe I've gotten this close to running out! I also need to pick out some stuff for my July class. I'm focusing on chipboard this time and I can't wait to get started.
Happy Monday all--hope you have a great day!


Amy W. said...

great blog, i saved your link! glad your at CMK! :>

Kelli said...

CmK is totally cute isn't it? I was bummed about the DT too but my stuff that I submitted was awful...I don't know where my head was when I put that in, LOL. Anyhoo...if you were here, I'd make you hang out with my and my ds...we'd have so much fun! I'm praying for you ;0)

CMK said...

This is a very emotional entry and I am glad you were able to share it with us. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I think you are one courageous woman!

Oscar T. Grouch said...

(HUGS)))))))) Ashley
The more you expose Clayton to the more the other kids will be used to him and start including him more. Just my thoughts anyway. You are entitled to feel the way you do and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Happay said...

way to unload! Don't feel bad about how you react to your son's disability. It's totally normal and believe me, Moms who have children without disabilities have some of the same emotional roadblocks. You're doing a great job - just do what you can and have some fun since you are there. KWIM?

I'm glad you'll be sticking around CMK. :)

Nancyroo said...

maybe the play thing will get easier as Clayton gets older. He is still so little now. Whenever I bring Xane to play, I watch like a hawk, and sometimes he isn't even interested in the other kids- he gets timid, or wants to do his own thing. ((Hugs))

Michelle StClair said...

big hugs!!! my oldest son is autistic and i have a difficult time taking him into "normal" kid play situations as he doesn't act like a "normal" 7 year old. i totally understand. big big big hugs!

~ RebekahBoo said...

Hey Ash, just wanted to give you some {{{{{HUGS}}}}} over here too. I think it would be very difficult to scrap something that isnt - picture-less pages. I think I would have to come up with pictures that I want to scrap then creat the LO with those in mind and get it back when the store is done with it. LOL You are more than capable though. YOU RAWK!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey have to expose Clayton more, all of the kids miss him so much! And, we miss you and Brian also. Just remember that we are all here for you, and would have helped you. Please don't let our kids "forget" the Clayton that is so special to them. They were all so excited about him coming, and then he didn't show. Next time his adoptive "Aunties" will just come get him ourselves....((XOXOXO)) TSS