As Pretty as a Duck :)

This little gem was with Clayton's Mother's Day gift that he made at school. His teacher assured me that all the answers were straight from Clayton. I couldn't help but cry the first few times I read it:

I love him so much!!!!

And as for his actual gift, I can't help but love it especially because I know it was super hard for him to make. With all of his sensory issues, he is completely opposed to putting his entire hand in anything gooey, but he must have managed it somehow because he made this for Momma:

Definitely a TRUE keepsake I'll be holding onto forever!

Happy Mother's Day!

To Baclofen or Not to Baclofen

For people with serious spastic issues, there is one drug out there that's been used for years: Baclofen. We've always known about Baclofen and had several conversations with doctors about it, but we've been reluctant to try it because of the side effects. While it does wonders for spasiticity, if taken orally it affects the whole body, including personality and alertness. It also affects the low-tone areas of a body that DO NOT need a relaxant (like Clayton's trunk). But considering Clayton's tone in his legs is getting worse and worse, we've been searching for alternatives and additions to just the Botox treatments. (This last Botox treatment didn't seem to work at all, but it's being attributed to his growth spurt over the past few months). So after a long talk with one of Clayton's neurologists, we decided to try a very low dose. But it turned out to be so low we didn't notice any changes in his tone, let alone his personality. When we saw the nurse practitioner the next week (who does his Botox injections), she told us we would definitely have to double the dose to see any effect. So we did. The bad news: Clayton was EXTREMELY emotional for the first couple of days. The good news: his P.T. reported he was much looser during his stretching exercises, and didn't seem as distracted as he normally is. And when we talked to his teacher that same day, she reported that Clayton had finally colored all by himself. She said the same thing Hannah said: "he wasn't as distracted as he normally is and actually picked up the markers on his own and colored the duck." This in itself is a feat simply because Clayton never shows an interest in coloring even with help, much less all by himself. The verdict: maybe his personality will be affected but in a positive way! (Well, except for those emotional meltdowns he's had!! Let's hope those were just temporary!) We're just going to keep watching and waiting--we're really hoping that the combination of the Baclofen with his next round of Botox helps to loosen up those legs even more. Clayton wants to walk so bad, but his little legs get so twisted and tight that he just can't get it coordinated. It's so frustrating to watch him fight his legs knowing he could do it if we could just get these couple of issues out of the way! So here's to praying for a change in the tone and scissoring of his legs over the next months and year!

35 Weeks (And a Crude Ultrasound Lesson)

Still pregnant!! And consuming as many calories as possible! Seriously, how can a person be this hungry??? And thirsty for that matter!

I'm feeling good, but I did overdo things yesterday, so I'm taking it majorly easy today. Just sitting here all day is my plan. I don't even have to go see the doctor this week so I really don't even know what to do with my free time on this Wednesday! So on that note, I decided to revisit last week's ultrasound to give the ultrasound-challenged a better perspective. For lack of an easier way to explain it, I decided to just draw the baby's face in (kind of cartoonish looking!), and then let you compare it to the original picture. Surely that helps some of you out there?? (PattiH, I'm talking to you!)

Can you see it now???

Cardboard Testimonies

If you've ever seen this video on youtube, then you'll know what I mean when I say "Cardboard Testimony." But if not, take a minute to watch . . .

On Easter, we took part in sharing our testimony with our church and visitors. It's such a simple concept: this is what we were, and on the flip side, this is what we are WITH GOD. We had so many special testimonies shared at our own church, that I was bound and determined to get the video up on my blog. But the file is way too big, and I'm just way too video-challenged (simply put: I don't understand our software!).

It's taken several years to get to this point in our journey, but Brian and I are both learning that the challenges we have been given are indeed a part of the "bigger plan" God has for us, and that our son is thriving despite all of the hardships!! Do we still get frustrated? Yes. Do we still ask why? Yes. But it is so much easier to accept the answers these days---and because of this particular journey we've come to know so many special families and kids. It's eye-opening the day you realize the most challenging aspects of your life are also the ones that bring you the most blessings!

(Quite an emotional moment . . .)

I ♥ Faces: Hats

This week's theme over at I ♥ Faces is "Hats." And since the weather has been yucky around here (and hence super bad lighting), I haven't been able to get a new photo of Clayton. So I pulled an oldie out from March 2008. I'm thinking he's just as cute in this one as any I could have taken this week!!

Check out the rest of the entries at http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/!

Showered

My sister-n-law, Nicole (below), was kind enough to throw me a baby shower this past weekend. And to be perfectly honest, in the beginning of this pregnancy I was a little nervous about a shower. The one I had for Clayton was just so emotional that I was scared to do it again. But circumstances are so different of course, and Saturday turned out to be a very happy occassion!! I'm now glad I decided to let my friends and family spoil my baby!! (It's just too bad we had torrential rains that kept most people at home!!)

And for the curious (read: Patti and Cheri!), here's an updated belly shot:

34 Weeks

(Baby is turned to his left looking at us).

We've made it to the homestretch! Still having random contractions, my cervix is shortening, but we are now in the safe zone and things like this are normal now! The baby weighed 5 pounds, 3 ounces yesterday and as you can tell from his little face, he's actually getting a little chubby!

I ♥ Faces: Reflection

So I've been following this blog for a while now and I finally decided to throw my photos in the hat. It's too bad I picked a really tough theme for my first contest with them! Fortunately, I had just taken a self-portrait of myself not too long ago that was my reflection, so the only challenge was getting a pic of Clayton involving a reflection. And did I mention Clayton is less than a willing photo subject for Momma these days????

My entry for the adult category:

And my entry for the kid category:

Their contests run every week so head over to http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/ to check it out!

Soccer Season

This past Saturday was Clayton's first soccer practice of the year. It's always interesting to see what's going to happen with him out there on the field! His two helpers definitely got a workout since he did little walking on his own. Towards the end, he did finally talk them into getting him out of the walker--that was when the REAL workout started . . .he's just so stiff with those AFO's on that there's no easy answer on moving him around the field. We are planning on trying his reverse walker next week and if that doesn't work, I say let him wear his regular shoes so he can loosen up and kick the ball!

Can you see him waving back at mom? :)

Throwing the ball into the goal:

And here they are planning their strategy:

Snapped the pic right after he kicked the ball:

And here's how they motored around the field--just picked up his feet and pushed onward . . .
It's so chaotic on the field since each child has at least one helper. When they actually played the scrimmage, it was just this huge mass of people moving around the field. Who knows where the ball actually was?! But all in all, it seemed a lot more organized than last year simply because the parents were asked to stay on the sidelines and let the helpers do the work.

Now Taking Suggestions

We've always planned to keep the baby's name a secret. And up until today we were halfway decided on one particular name. But over the last few days I've been having second thoughts about it and didn't want to tell Brian simply because it was the only name we've been able to compromise on! And then today out of the blue Brian says he just can't do that name for such and such reasons. And so I confessed that I was not so sure anymore either . . . that means we're back to square one and with every {random} contraction that I have, I feel even more pressure to decide on The Absolutely Perfect Name for this baby! And while I'm not into public opinion polls, I'm open to any suggestions from my blog readers--maybe it will at least give us something to start from!

33 Weeks

This last week felt like a whole month! But I'm glad to report that I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER! Yesterday I only had a couple of contractions so it seems like my body is finally settling down after all the commotion from being sick. Thank the Lord I'm past that horrible nauseated feeling!

Hello, Old Friend

A couple of weeks ago, I had a small panic attack: I couldn't find my breast pump! I had the box with all the "parts," but no actual pump! And considering just how expensive these babies are, I was getting a little nervous. Not to mention the sentimental attachment I had to such a weird piece of equipment . . .thank goodness Brian found it in the attic last night. I'm definitely relieved I don't have to start over with a new pump. Why so important you say? Well, in August 2003 when the boys were born, this little bag became a part of my being. I literally carried it everywhere I went. And it seemed that no matter where I went, it was always time to pump again! My little babies were so sick and there was not much I could do for them as they lay in the hospital, but I quickly discovered that I was good at making milk. So make milk I did! I was DETERMINED to pump until they were ready to actually breastfeed, no matter how long it took to get them there. Shawn was the first to eat--he had a few meals of 1 and 2 ccs before he got sick. I'm so glad he was able to get that little part of me before he died. Clayton, on the other hand, took months to get well enough to eat. And when he did, my milk had to be mixed with formula to pack on the calories for him. And by the time he actually did start using my milk, I had used all of my storage space at the NICU and filled up TWO deep freezers full of bottles! (We even had to buy a new one just to make room!) The lactation consultant was pretty impressed with me, if I do say so myself!

I guess it was sometime in January 2004 that Clayton was able to actually start trying to directly breastfeed. And hence, the whole preemie issue of "oral aversion" was introduced into our lives. (Oral aversion: preemies develop this condition from having the ventilator tubing down their throats for so long and from not initially learning to eat right out of the womb). He started breastfeeding just a bit, but it soon became too overwhelming for him. We then moved to the bottle and again, he initially did well. And then POOF! One day it was over. He refused to put a bottle in his mouth and when you did get it in there, he choked and sputtered all over the place. Feedings quickly became nightmares for all involved! This was all still in the NICU, and Clayton couldn't go home until he was feeding well on his own. After a couple of weeks of literally fighting him to feed from a bottle eight times a day, we made the decision to put the g-tube in. A g-tube has it's own set of problems, but I'm so glad we went ahead and did it since that was the only thing keeping Clayton from coming home.

But back to the milk . . .Clayton continued receiving my breastmilk through his tube for several months, but he just didn't grow. We finally started seeing a GI doctor and discovered he was allergic to milk and wasn't going to grow as long as we kept giving him something he couldn't even absorb well! I just about went into mourning when I discovered all of my milk would go to waste. All my hardwork down the drain! I even tried to find a place to donate it to, but no one in Arkansas took it and I would have to pay to ship it to Texas, the closest place. Couldn't do that, so reluctantly, I threw almost two deep freezers full of breastmilk away. Definitely a sad day for a lactating momma!

SOOOOOOO. . . that all being said, I'm really looking forward to getting a redo on breastfeeding. I know I won't need the pump as much, and feeding a baby actually seems a little scary to me (that pump was very reliable and worked right on schedule!), but if I'm able to pick up where I left off last time, breastfeeding this time around should go very well!!

Shifting Gears

I'm still getting over last week. It's almost like I'm moving in slow motion while my mind is making list after list of things I need to be doing. I spent Saturday taking it easy and the minute I decided to get up and move around, the contractions slowly returned, albeit randomly. I felt even better Sunday morning and since the sun was shining, decided to give church a go. I really needed to be there anyway since the day was supposed to be spent preparing for the Caravan Blue and White Dinner that yours truly was in charge of! To be honest, the service was mostly a blur because all three of us seemed out of it--even Clayton was extra whiney from all the craziness of last week. And even though I should have come home and gone straight back to the couch, I did manage to get back up to the church to at least help a bit and supervise the dinner. I was actually okay for a while, but it was definitely time for me to sit down and rest long before the dinner ever even started.

Just to prove how bad I felt: I only took two pictures and never even bothered to ask anyone to use my camera for pictures! Definitely a sign that I'm not feeling well!

I'm so glad I had MANY, MANY helpers who took the bull by the horns last night and just did what had to be done--the dinner went over without a hitch and the families and kids had a great time (from what I've heard and could tell).

I'm hoping to spend the rest of the week taking it easy--I'm just sending major "stay-in-the-womb" vibes to Baby C!

32 Weeks

Wow. What a week.

Monday afternoon: fever

Monday night: fever + contractions

Tuesday morning: contractions + severe morning sickness (AKA vomitting on the side of the road on the way to the doctor!)

Tuesday all day: stay in labor & delivery (negative flu test, negative fetal fibronectin test, CBC good, a little anenemic, no dehydration BUT contractions 2-4 minutes apart). shots to stop contractions, sent home only to spend the afternoon throwing up and eventually adding diarrhea to the mix. oh, what joy!

Wednesday: severe nausea + a few contractions. back to doctor and labor & delivery for IV fluids and nausea meds. spent the afternoon in a stupor but at least the contractions and nausea were finally gone. finally able to keep some food down but my belly was cramping big time.

Thursday day: feeling MUCH better, able to function and even help with Clayton a bit.

Thursday evening: ended up passing out on my parents and realized that maybe my recovery would be a bit slower than I thought.

Today: Feeling even better, but still afraid to push myself.

AND IN THE MEANTIME, Little Baby C has been handling the stress wonderfully. He's been moving around and enjoying the excitement I guess . . . He weighs 4 pounds 4 oz. now and just for good measure I got two steroid shots for his lungs due to all the contractions. I'm glad they're on board, but I'll be just as happy to have him wait about four more weeks before making his entrance!

Happy Easter!

"They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus . . . And in their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? HE HAS RISEN!"

Easter Egg Hunt

Today was the church Easter Egg Hunt. Or should I say Easter Egg Race??? There is no actual hunting, just a race to see who can get the most eggs the fastest (since they are all just laying out in the grass). And since Clayton goes with the older kids now, this basically means he manages to get a couple of eggs and the whole "hunt" is over. Thank goodness for my friends who formed a barrier around Clayton and shooed the other kids away so he could get more than one egg!! And since he doesn't eat candy (he does lick on it!), he really doesn't have to have many eggs, but it's really just the whole principle of the thing--I think I'll suggest we tweak the process next year . . . and even though he doesn't really eat candy, he wanted to open every egg and look inside just to take inventory of all of his loot!He loved the jumphouse (thank you, Tanya!):

But the best part of the day by far was that Clayton won the grand prize: a brand new bike! He is all about bikes right now and he had been eyeing this one all day. He was so excited when he actually got to sit on it! We've been looking at modified bikes for a while because he wants to ride every bike we see. Brian will have to take this one back to Wal-Mart because it's definitely for a bigger boy--it will be interesting to see what he does with one that has training wheels!

31 Weeks

And I just couldn't help myself! I definitely have boy stuff. There isn't much I need. But I just couldn't help but buy something especially for little Baby C. And when I saw this outfit and a couple more at Target the other day, I just knew he had to have them! After all, he can't live on hand-me-downs alone!!

Nature's Way?

I can't sleep. I've been up and down every night for a week and I bet I was awake every 30-45 minutes last night. Tonight should be even more interesting since it seems to be getting worse as the days pass! And at 3:00 this morning it finally occurred to me: maybe this is just nature's way of getting me ready for nights with a newborn!

(Photo taken at the local university--I can't believe these tulips have survived the wind and cold air of the past few days!)

Palm Sunday

In following tradition, our kids waved the palms in honor of Palm Sunday yesterday. Every single year that Clayton has participated, it's all I can do to keep from sobbing! I'm just so darn proud of him for being able to participate right along side the rest of the kids. And this year he even did it without Daddy's help! (And with a smile on his face at that!)

Thanks to my friend Rhonda for being on photo patrol!!