What a Week

Wow. What an emotional week. Monday I had to hand my baby, who has major medical issues, over to virtual strangers. He seemed so overwhelmed that morning, but willing to participate. I was determined to stay strong. And while I've done pretty well on the whole, I have small panic attacks every few hours when I think of him having to face the big old world "all alone." Yes, I know he's not really alone, but Brian and I both wish he could just have a personal play assistant with him at all times. He needs lots of help in order to "play" like and with the other kids, and his teachers do their best with the hands that they have. But for us, it would be easier if he just had his own set of hands to help constantly!

Anyway, I thought he was doing great until yesterday morning. He picked that day of all days to break down when I left him . . . I almost had a nervous breakdown right in front of the teachers--I just kept saying "why is he doing this today??" "why now??" I think it had finally set in that this was going to be the daily routine and I don't think he liked it much! And since it was yesterday, I basically just wanted to scoop him up and run out the door so we could love on each other all day! I stuck around the office until I got word he had calmed down, but his O. T. did say he did the same to her when she brought him back from therapy, which proves that he just wants his best friends around him, forget those new people!

That little crying and screaming fit of his just set my tears flowing for the day. I cried the whole way home and spent the next few hours crying and developing a horrible headache. Thankfully, after several rounds of chocolate my headache went away, just in time for the school's Open House. Clayton got to show Granny and Pop his classroom and seemed so excited for them to see his school. I just knew he would be excited this morning since they had been there. No go on that. He cried this morning when I left, but at least I was a little more emotionally stable--able to handle it lots, lots better today. Hopefully he's having a good day. I'm thinking we've just got a few weeks of adjusting to do and he'll be good to go. At least that's what I'm banking on, because I won't be able to bear him screaming for me every morning!