Deck the Halls!

I've spent the last two days decorating the house for Christmas, and I'm glad to say I'm finally done! So many of my decorations have special meaning, they are hand-me-downs or were gifts from friends. It's a walk down memory lane as I put them out.

So for those who aren't able to visit me during the holidays, here is a sneak peak of my home. (DISCLAIMER: I am not a photographer and these pics were taken during the day so you'll have to "imagine" the ambience of the season).


The top of the entertainment center:

The mantle (sure wish I had a Christmas painting to go with it):
The coffee table:
One of the end tables:
The tree (couldn't get a good pic to save my life!):

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON, the Nativity:

Enjoy the holiday season and Merry Christmas everyone!

Chill in the Air

A LITTLE one, that is. By this weekend the lows will be in the twenties. Finally feeling like the holiday season. Lately I was thinking it was Easter time instead of Christmas time!

Is This Weird?

I really like Mondays! Call me crazy, but the weekends are really hard for me unless we have something specific planned. I look forward to the weekdays because Clayton has a definite schedule, which means I have a schedule. On the weekends, we are just loosey goosey--in limbo, with no specific order to life. Especially now that we've given up on church for the time being. Not only is Saturday bad, but Sunday too! Don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY to keep me busy, but I'm not too motivated these days. I'm really hoping the holidays will give me something new to focus on--I'm sure I can stay busy these next few weekends.

Today I am Thankful For . . .

*my family
*my home
*my warm coat (froze today in the car while everyone else was hot)
*an abundance of food in the cabinet--I am never truly hungry
*the ability and resources that God has provided in order for me to stay home with Clayton

Love/Hate Relationship with ACH

First let me say that I appreciate all of the hard work that the people at ACH do. There are many doctors there that I have come to trust and lean on when Clayton is sick. Overall, they do a wonderful job with him. And I admire them for working with so many sick children while still keeping such a great outlook on life. BUT . . . . . . . .

I'M SO FRUSTRATED WITH THESE PEOPLE!

I know that they deal with many parents who are less than involved in their child's care. I know that many parents don't have a clue what's going on and don't even bother to find out. BUT THAT IS NOT US. The older Clayton gets, the more frustrated I become with some of the staff and underlings at the hospital. They refuse to give us any credit for knowing what's best for Clayton and KNOWING OUR CHILD. Heck, I think some of them can't even believe we get to take him home at night!

{{{HERE IS THE SPOT WHERE I TYPED A LONG TIRADE ABOUT TODAY'S EVENTS AT THE HOSPTIAL AND ABOUT HOW PEOPLE DO NOT LISTEN TO ME, CLAYTON'S MOTHER, WHEN DECIDING HOW TO BEST CARE FOR HIM. BUT STUPID BLOGGER LOGGED ME OUT AND I LOST ALL OF MY UNSAVED RANTING, SO I GUESS IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE SHARED.}}}

Shout Out

Just have to give a shout out to my friend Kelli Johnson for being my listening ear today--thanks girlie!!! (((SMOOCHES)))

Kids' Class

I taught a class for kids at the scrapbook store Tuesday night. They got to make this little frame--the idea was for them to give it to their teacher for Christmas. I think some of them might even be giving them to their grandparents or parents. They had so much fun--they really let loose when I gave them a bunch of Christmas paper and stickers to make a card to go along with it. I told them to just go crazy on the card and they did! It's amazing how much kids love stickers!

Bad Hair Week

As many of you know, Clayton had a bad hair week last week. The surgeon shaved WAY too much hair off and then ended up not even going in on his head. Here's what he looked like when he came home from the hospital (the scars are from previous surgeries):
It was horrible! He looked like a concentration camp victim. Luckily, Chasity agreed to come over and shave the rest off so he could at least look halfway normal. I'm still not happy with the way it looks--I miss his wavy, thick hair--but at least it's not half a mohawk anymore. I can't wait until it grows some more. Here's what he looks like today:

Home

We are home. Clayton acts like he feels great and he is back to normal on his oxygen levels. He can't get his incisions wet for two weeks, so baths have been interesting. I'm hoping we'll get a better system with the more we do it. I'm not thinking about anything important right now--my mind needs a rest. I'm basically scrapping, watching tv and eating chocolate. How's that for comfort?

What Am I Doing Here, Lord?

Saturday night Brian and I sang some cowboy songs for my GrandMother's Sunday School party that had a western theme. One of the songs we sang had this line in it and I sit here at the hospital and it just keeps coming to my mind--WHAT AM I DOING HERE, LORD? For that matter, what am I supposed to be doing with what God has given me? I feel so lost.

I was blessed with a beautiful voice (others' words, not mine), and I vowed a long time ago that I would use it to glorify God. And just about the time that I really got into the whole singing thing, and was truly finding "my voice" (in more ways than the obvious), I had the boys and things changed. I have not been able to be an active part of my church since. I have a choir robe that has four inches of dust on it and I even had to cancel my last two special music spots. I thought maybe God was using our situation to give me yet another perspective to speak from--a deeper testimony, if you will. So when Brian and I became active in a band this past year and we were really getting into a groove, I thought I had found my outlet. Then some things happened and that whole thing literally fell apart.

And scrapbooking. I never knew how many doors it would open for me. And I certainly never knew that I would become so involved in the online scrapbooking community. I have made lifelong friends and I've been able to stay connected to the "outside" world as I stay at home with Clayton. And the Lord provided ways for me to speak through yet another voice and even testify in a quiet and subtle way. And so when I decided to go even bigger with the magazine, I really felt God opening the doors. But now I sit here and think about my son. In the whole scheme of things, what is important?????

Clayton.

Clayton.

Clayton.

And now as I pray, I hear silence from God. No direction. No strong feelings toward anything except that I must take care of Clayton because he has been put in my care. But I can't help but wonder why God would bless me with so called "talent" and an abundance of resources but not allow me outlets to use it? Will it all really go down the drain? Three years have passed and still God waits? Presently reminding myself that his timing is perfect. But my human heart is begging for answers.

Shunt Issues

Clayton's shunt is malfunctioning. Explains why he feels so sick. We finally came to the ER last night--he is in surgery right now. He was even worse today--barely responding to anything in his environment. I'll be glad when this is over. :(

Sick Baby

If you're wondering where I'm at, I'm taking care of Clayton. He's been running fever off and on since Friday. Trying to decide which one of his doctors gets a call tomorrow. He feels horrible and he's letting us all know it. :(

Elmo's World

Clayton spent this Halloween night as Elmo--and as you can see from the second pic, he wasn't a big fan of having something on his head! He spent most of the night trying to pull it off and saying "uh oh!" I think next year I'll take the big plunge and do something major including his wheelchair: race car and race car driver, cowboy and his horse, conductor and a train, something along those lines. That way he'll be able to go trick or treating with his cousins (even though he has no interest in the candy!

Always Keep the End in Mind

Dandric Moten, (a guy I went to high school with), started a program with his mom, Thelma, called Excel. They work through the schools and try to encourage kids to make good decisions. Dandric said his mom has always told him to "keep the end in mind." Hard concept when you're talking to young kids who live for today and don't think of tomorrow. So I'm reminded of Thelma's advice when it comes to things I'm dealing with right now. I need to step back and look at the big picture--things will come together.

Family Time

On Saturday, we took a long drive through the Natural State. We went with some friends of ours and just made a complete day of enjoying the fall scenery. We drove up to Mt. Nebo, and then on to Mt. Magazine, which is the highest point in Arkansas and also the highest point between the Appalachains and the Rockies. (Little known trivia facts).

I was really hoping to get a good family photo, but we didn't have a lot of luck. Brian set the camera and Allison took the photo--we just couldn't get the lighting right and the wind was brutal--IT WAS COLD on top of that mountain! This one was about as good as it got, and we look really windblown.

I swear that someday I'm going to learn to use our camera. I take almost all my shots on auto and Brian changes the settings constantly and always gets some neat photos with different lighting and angles. You'd think I would have soaked up some of his knowledge over the years, but I've yet to pay attention when he's explaining stuff. I just say "here, you do it." The first two photos are by me and the last two are by him--definitely a difference on the coloring!

This is the new lodge up at Mt. Magazine--it was extremely crowded up there and they even had a wedding going on--it was beautiful and breathtaking--I'm sure they have it booked up for many months to come. They have lots of cabins up there too--I'm thinking I'd want to stay in a cabin instead of the lodge--seems more secluded.

We had a great time except for the cold air, and we all slept on the way home--Brian had to drive, so he was left to his own company. Can't wait until we can do something like this again.

Stay Tuned

I was going to post some pics from our trip to Mt. Magazine, but blogger IS NOT COOPERATING. No pics being uploaded tonight, at least not for me. Stay tuned--hopefully I'll get them posted tomorrow.

GREAT MAIL DAY!

I'm participating in a Halloween Secret Sister exchange over at Create My Keepsake. I got a whole lot of goodies in the mail today--somebody is SPOILING ME!! Thank you to my secret sister! (These photos aren't the best, but you'll get the idea!)

I'm Here

Just busy doing a whole lot of stuff and not feeling like I've accomplished anything!

My Maw-Maw is holding her own--she is just so weak. I appreciate everyone's concern and prayers.

We went to our Sunday School class's fall party Friday night. It felt good to hang out with friends from church (since we never get to anymore). We didn't go on the hayride because there were about a gazillion kids on the trailer. We just hung out at the fire instead. Clayton was just as happy to do that . . . we also went to my nephew's birthday party Saturday. There were so many kids, and many had snotty noses. I spent the whole time praying Clayton wouldn't get sick--my stomach was in knots. I know those other parents think I'm a freak. I finally said, c'mon Clayton, you can't be around sick kids (as someone's daughter was coughing up their lung). The mother just looked at me weird and gathered her daughter up. My dad said I didn't sound hateful and that I handled it well, but in my mind I was freaking out. I just hope she didn't take it personal.

We still haven't made it to the pumpkin patch. I was really hoping to take Clayton out there this year. We had a really good time last year--maybe we'll still make it. It feels like fall and I think I've offically decided this is my favorite time of year. Funny, I always thought I was a summer person. Things change I guess, even your favorite season.

Reading . . . AGAIN!

Anyone remember this layout? For those who don't, it's all about how ever since the boys were born I haven't been able to concentrate on a book, let alone finish one. Reading was one of my passions and the traumatic experience we went through just took that passion right out of me.

Well, I'm not sure what happened, but a few days ago I dug out one of my favorite books that's an easy read. And guess what? I'm still actually sticking with it! I wouldn't say I've become some die hard bookworm, but hey it's a start! I remember people commenting on this layout and saying "save your books," you will want to read again. I didn't believe them. But I'm so glad that I saved my favorites because it was nice to just pick one up and start reading again.

Distracted

Just to prove how distracted and out of it I am right now, let me tell you what I did yesterday: It was pouring down rain all day, so I loaded Clayton and all of his stuff in the van before I ever opened the garage door. I also had to coax Katie into the car (she was riding with us for this particular trip). She hates the van, so I have to trap her to get her to go. After I finally got us all three in the van, I started it up and put it into reverse. Yep, you guessed it. BAM! I ran right smack into the garage door. What a bonehead move (direct quote from Brian). So it did raise up after that, and I was able to close it too. Brian had to work on it when he got home--it looks much better! Just a small dent now as opposed to the huge dent I had created!