Thursday, September 02, 2010

The Dichotomy of LIMBo



As a parent who has experienced a Loss in Multiple Birth (LIMBo), these words are never far from my mind.  When I think about Shawn's death, I wallow in self-pity, begging God to turn back the clock--let me hold him one more time!  let me tell him I love him just once more!  I beat my head against the wall wondering what I could have done differently to stay pregnant longer, and in turn given him a fighting chance at life.   And in spite of myself and the years that have passed, I still ask WHY?

And then.
And then, I look at this precious face.
How blessed I am!  How incredibly precious Clayton is to me!  This little boy is proof that modern day miracles happen.  He is proof that God heals our hurts in more than one way.  After Shawn's death, Clayton gave me a reason to get up each morning.  A reason to keep moving and breathing.  And in the years that have followed, I have needed only to look at his smile and my tears dry up.  How can I weep when his beautiful face is looking up at me?  I am blessed indeed.  


Patti H said...

yes you are. all whom have meet this sweet boy are blessed. i so wish you all lived closer

Sheredian said...

Hi Ashley,
I miss you at sj and think of you often. Clayton has grown up so much. And it's good to meet little Jackson.

Anonymous said...

It eventually gets easier. Our Barbara Lynn would be celebrating her 42nd birthday the 20th of this month. She was full term and perfect, but the cord came out during labor and cut off her oxygen. By the time they did the C-section, it was too late. They knocked me out and never let me see or hold her. So many times I wish I could have at least seen her!... Now we have three beautiful children and two grands! God is good.

Leslie said...

Praise God in his glory and neverending mercy! What a blessing you have in Clayton and Jackson!