Monday, July 01, 2013

In Which We Say Goodbye

Well, it's 11:30 on Sunday night and the last thing I need to be doing is blogging (although a few of you out there are probably glad to see some signs of life on the ole' blog).  I've got a photo session tomorrow, invoices to send, and photos to edit.  And yet here I sit, trying somehow to give voice to my thoughts on the day that is almost over.  And instead of voice, all I have is tears.   

Today was our pastor's last day at our church.  He has pastored our church for the last 17 years and pastored Brian and me for the last 12 of those.  Yes, pastors come and go from churches.  They move around in ministry and congregations survive, just as ours will.  But as any significant life change does, this day has me reflecting on years passed.  Under Pastor Tim's leadership, Brian and I have grown both deeper and wider in our spiritual walk.  And he has taught us that the "preacher" can also be your dear friend. 

My tears have flowed freely tonight.  Yes, it is because I will miss our teacher and our friends.  But mostly it is simply because my mind keeps going back to The Day My World Changed.  I keep going back to that horridly uncomfortable room we said goodbye to Shawn in.  There we sat with our dead baby, shocked with the magnitude of the situation.  A handful of friends and family came in and out as we tried to share his little body with our loved ones.  The last to come in was Pastor Tim.  He sat with us as we held our first born.  Funeral Talk.  Our Baby is Dead Talk.  Then slowly it moved to Anything Talk.  Anything to keep from having to get up and hand Shawn back to the nurse.  I remember Tim graciously took photos of the three of us.  A mother.  A father.  A baby.  Photos that will always be burned in my memory, as they embody every emotion I've ever felt as a human being.  You just never forget the person that is present for that moment in your life.  And while we've had countless joyous times with Tim and Jamie, my heart has been stuck in that little room for most of the day.  

Tim and Jamie have been present during so many of our trials, tribulations, and celebrations.  A new chapter begins for us as we learn to navigate these moments without our friends physically at our side.  We will miss their words of encouragement and bent ears, but we are thankful they will still be by our sides in spirit as we travel on in this journey called life.  

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