As per fall tradition, we took a trip out to the Pumpkin Patch this week. This was the first time I've made that trip without Brian and I don't think I'll be doing it without him again! Keeping Clayton happy while allowing Jackson to play and explore is just too much to do when I am surrounded by hundreds of school kids (and it didn't help that it was 80-something degrees!). I am so glad I had some other mothers willing to help me with Jackson, but I always feel like I'm imposing on them and their own kids' good time.
Clayton's only request was to ride on the trailer. He could have done that over and over if time (and space) would have allowed. About halfway out to the patch I realized I would have both kids with no wheelchair. Not a good feeling . . . I couldn't very well leave Clayton on the trailer alone since he couldn't sit up and the hay would have had him gagging big time. And once we stopped, Jackson was all about exploring the patch. I followed him holding Clayton for just a bit, but finally had to let someone else take on the job. Clayton is just too heavy to be carrying around these days.
I don't know, it just left me with such a blah feeling. I get all pumped up for these events and then leave feeling so deflated when they don't work out perfect for us. It's such a let down when you realize (AGAIN) that we just can't do things like everyone else does them.
3 comments:
I read your blog all the time but rarely comment. Today your post "touched" me and i wanted to let you know. Recently I went to my son's football game, but had to sit in the "handicap" section with my daughter. I had tears in my eyes, feeling completely removed from everything and everybody. Ugh!
I completley understand. We took Emily to a fall festival the other day. We had time to paint a pumpkin and then we had to leave because the music was too loud for her. It breaks my heart that we cannot take her to places like that (or ball games or movies or church or anywhere else that has loud noises/music).
Bless your heart! I do understand. I usually remember how difficult things like the pumpkin patch are for us and remember not to try them without Paul there to help me. But every now and then I forget or I think that it won't that big of a deal or whatever and venture out on a "fun" outing. And very often I'm left with that blah feeling you're talking about. I think it's always a fresh reminder that we are not normal . . . and sometimes it's a hard reminder. Thanks for the post to remind us that we're not alone in this.
Kelly
http://www.ourordinaryday.wordpress.com
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