Friday, August 28, 2009

The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways

Today is the day I dread all year. As a matter of fact, I usually pray my way through all of August--any day after the tenth has always been a struggle. This year, I've got a new (and very sweet) distraction to keep my mind busy--no time for reflections or memories this go-around! On one hand, I'm grateful to just let the time fly by; on the other, I've been scared to death I'd let the anniversary pass without a single thought of Shawn and our time together. It's almost like I need the time to remind myself of the cherished moments we had with him, to remind myself of the amazing gift of life God gave us. But this new gift of life is part of the answer to those last six years of prayers. Jackson's birth has brought so much healing for me--I've finally been able to unload some of this incredible guilt I feel for not being able to do enough for Shawn and for Clayton. I have a long way to go, but time is finally giving me the perspective I've needed.
Holding you, I held everything.
Everything pure, everything innocent.
I held all that is new and fresh, yet still sentimental.
Holding you, I held my greatest joy and my greatest sorrow.
And while holding you, I began to learn what it meant to "Praise Him in the storm."
The hurt has been hard, but those moments with you were worth every tear shed and every heartache felt.
I love you always.
Mommy

10 comments:

Becky said...

Thinking of you Ashley. I know it's still hard, but I'm glad you're finally healing a little. Great page.

Erin said...

Beautiful tribute, Ashley. I am so sorry for your loss, but glad that you have found some healing.

LesleMora said...

Beautiful page Ashley. :hugs:

Becky said...

That is a beautiful page. I will be thinking of you today.

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

What a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing your journey - what an inspiration!

Patti H said...

Ashley I am thinking of you. What a beautiful layout for Shawn!

Yankee said...

Absolutely beautiful. Sending thoughts your way.

jsotier said...

a beautiful and touching tribute. big hugs to you guys :)

~love said...

beautiful.

Amelia said...

I have also been thinking of Shawn. What beautiful words!